Friendship

[Grrrl]

Just because you have known someone for a prolonged period of time, is that reason to continue a friendship when you no longer have any real common ground or your ethics and morals no longer compliment each other? Even when that person insults your intelligence, verbally attacks your other friends and family then tells them not to take it personally? This is my dilemna.

I have known this person since I started college about seven or eight years ago, so as you can imagine there is a lot of history. We used to be really close mates up til maybe a few years ago when he went away to university, we still stayed in touch and I would go visit but its a long way apart from our previous interactions where we would hang out at least every other day. But still I considered him a good friend. He used to be so down to earth, and non judgemental, he was one of those people that everyone liked, he was a really social friendly guy.

Recently over the last year or so, the same guy, seems to have had a virtual personality transplant. In person he still behaves like they guy I used to know and love (in a friend way), however his virtual persona seeks to ridicule other people, including myself (which I am big enough to overlook despite being hurt) and people very close to me (which is my main bone of contention), for their race, religion, beliefs, political choices, moral codes, social class sexual preference etc, etc. The list is continuous. Once the insult has been caused and a person voices their upset to him, he tells them they shouldnt take it personally, despite saying things such as 'clearly I am more intelligent and well read than you' (which in quite a few cases is a very inaccurate statement), 'it's not my fault your too brainwashed to see that your wrong', and 'I'd like to reiterate that I do not wish to argue or get sour, but debate in a grown up fashion. so please no more calling me close-minded.' When people do give him a taste of his own medicine, he doesnt follow his own advice of 'not taking it personally'. Infact quite the contrary. He will only ever do it through a screen though, in person he is totally different. Its like he grows a vitual pair of balls to make up for what he doesn't have the balls to say in person.

To me this is double standards. I do not like people with double standards, because it drains the integrity from their words and actions. However, this is a guy who I have known for such a long time, shared many fond memories with, been there for each other through some nasty shit in both our lives on separate numerous occasions. But his current actions are leading to me disliking him as a person, which despite wishing otherwise, is happening. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he just gets really self righteous and plays the victim card each time. I'm not sure that there is much more I can do than cut my losses?

[WeedGuru_Flow]

Cut him loose, for someone you used to have such an understanding friendship with he seems too disrespectful. You tell it to him straight one last time, if he fails to see he's wrong you just drop him and never look back.

Not too long ago I too learned how friendships can evolve over time, people I used to hang out with all the time now seem to avoid me as if I were a leper, the only times I hear of them is when they need weed or transport, if I happen to be at the same party they attend then it's a curt 'hello' and they ignore me for the rest of the evening.

I put up with that for a short while, then I bluntly told them what pathetic,shallow leeches they were and that I did not feel like having the common decency to pretend we are friends in public.

Ever since then I know who my real friends are, and apparently my lecture was a wake up call for some of them because they're acting normal again.

[AbbyRoad]

cut him loose.
and count the loss as small

[Bubbles]

eat ice cream

[Weedguru_Fire_Inside]

unfortunately i have to agree with those saying to cut him loose, though ice cream is never a bad thing.

sure, it's a hard thing to do, considering the time that has gone into the relationship but eventually, when the shit hits the fan and you're too close to run away, you just gotta put some goggles on and accept the inevitable splatter, lol.

[sugarstalker]

I'd agree with mr. Flow. Give him one last warning, that if he keeps being a tosser, you're no longer interested in being their acquaintance

[(weedguru)scarf]

Have you approached him about this subject?
Asked him why the online personality is so vicious and arrogant?

Arrogance to me is one of the worst traits in a person, and i avoid arrogrant people at all costs...

if you have approached him about it and the problem remains, perhaps its time to completely distance yourself?
if you havent... then maybe take it up with him and tell him that he is being a prick... although no in those words

[Grrrl]

Yea I have tackled him on it quite a few times now, the last time was a little more hostile than I had maybe intended, but he is very clear on where I stand, and shows little sign of change or remorse. I decided to just cut myself out and maintain distance. If I see him I will be civil and engage in small talk at a push but nothing more. Seemed like the only option really.

Cheers for the advice again guys, much appreciated as usual

[(weedguru)scarf]

goodluck/// always a difficult decision to make

[WeedGuru_Flow]

It is, but friendship comes from two sides and isn't worth the energy if one is being a douche and doesn't put any effort into it.

[weedguru_animal]

There is a tendency, with humans especially, as i can't speak so widely for non humans, for people to remain connected to people, more due to the Past Connections, than the Present Connections. There must be a limit, a line, which once crossed, makes such connections more taxing than joyful, and when that happens, the connections in question must be cut. People change...for a variety of reasons, but as my Sage and Brother, John the Baptist, used to say...
'I cut off, rather abruptly, and meaningfully, from anyone who takes more from me than they give'

[(weedguru)scarf]

you havent cut me off yet

nah i get the same... usually its completely an emotional imbalane...

[weedguru_animal]

Its despicable of you, scarf, to have only visited my den once this year...there is still time to redeem yourself, of course, but i don't have much hope. I give you until December 31st, and then its over between us....hohohoohohohohoho!...next May I will have one of my brothers here, Big Richy, who you are bound to enjoy. Perhaps then I can trick you into a visit????

[Weedguru Higher]

How far away do you guys live from each other anyways?

[WeedGuru_Flow]

pssh, they rub each other with sunscreen, they practically live together !!!




:p:D