Guilt.

[Bubbles]

i was rambling trying to type a post in Mate's thread about gore changing his priorities; i ended up with this.

right about then i get my new car, i love it. one of my favorite cars, i spend the 3 grand i got from turning 18, took out another 4000$ loan, and bought my car. i couldnt register it nor could i afford a warranty. no matter how much i love the things i get to do right now i cant help but feel guilty for any financial problems my mom is having, mostly because she spent her own money to register it and make me happy. then comes the last night i got stoned, i decide to go check out the value of her car, its worth roughly 900$ whereas mine is worth about 10 grand, i dont know why but i feel horrible about that, she constantly says things like "i guess my car still looks alright, doesnt it?" and i say yea, we can just fix up the rust and stuff. she starts talking about wanting to buy the car i had originally planned on buying which is an 05 chev malibu, very nice car had a few dings but generally good looking comfortable car. the thing is, she cant afford it and we both know it. i want to get a job and save up money but this town is incredibly hard to find employment in. i want to get a job, save up and surprise her for spending so much money on me but it seems to be impossible.

me and my mom have a great relationship, we can joke about anything and get along more like friends that mother-son, which i understand is quite different for alot of members.

i know that were not incredibly deep in debt because ive seen her bills, she always ends up with JUST enough to pay off her credit card and the bills and buy groceries. after that its just necessities. pay cheque to pay cheque although a horrible and boring place to be in life it is much better than being in debt up to your eyebrowes(sp?) maybe im just hitting a similar realization as Gore, and there is something i need to change, but i just cant figure it out. maybe im just going into a depression, which is very possible as my dad had a serious problem with depression at some point in his life.

im probably going to answer myself here but maybe its because i feel as though I was the one who spent her ~1300$ and set her back a month or two.

either way i feel absolutely horrible and am afraid of confronting her about this.

why is it that we feel so much guilt over something we shouldnt? has anyone else experienced something like this that they would like to share?

[WeedGuru_Flow]

I feel guilty about the fact that my mother cares so much about me and my brother, we've both had some troubles in the past with illness and I'm not the greatest son when it comes to achieving things in life... I know she can't help it because she's my mother but I can tell when she's not completely happy and that stings at times.

But I also let her know that I love her and that she's been a wonderful parent and that she shouldn't be bothered by those things that much, eventually I'll find my way and I'll do everything I can after that to pay her back for what she did.

[Regarded]

I guess there is always guilt when it comes down to the realization that you can never repay for the life your parents gave you(assuming they are good).

[Mate]

guilt is something you 'feel' when you do something you, or someone else believes you shouldnt have to.
(or having not done something you, or someone else believes you should have done)
It's a feeling that is really hard to get rid off, like cigarette. it's TOTALLY driven by your conscience and what you believe to be good/bad.

you can ''cure'' your guilt by being forgiven by your mom, even if she believes she should not.., just tell her you want to be forgiven, that it would help you., just as in transformative justice.
You can use restorative justice and make this confession you did to us, to your mom. I'M pretty sure she would really appreciate
as much as ammending yourself and buying a new car for her, just to have the idea, it's fabulous.
If you really do this, you're a much better son i would ever be. Not that my parents diserve i buy a car to em..and i don't have a good relationship with any of em.
i cure my guilt trought congnition... i end up telling myself and understanding the source of the guilty feelings are illogical, and i just talk about it with the concerned person making sure we're all right.

i used to feel guilty about everything, my mom was a really manipulative woman, and i got trought her claws for a good part of my life... my philosophy classes made me understand guilt is totally created by your conscience and you NEED to talk about it. or it will hunt you for the rest of your life.

Guilt is a bad feeling you should cure out your body as soon and as fast as possible.
Because it grugdes the mind and life must go on.
Guilt is all about the past.

[(weedguru)scarf]

its always a good feeling to pay back your parents for the time and money they have spent on you growing up..
especially if you have the relationship that flying does with his mum.

You also need to remember that youre still young, and not earning a great deal...
be supportive and do little things now... when you are making disposable income
then its time to share and repay... give your mum things she couldnt afford...

[Bubbles]

its always a good feeling to pay back your parents for the time and money they have spent on you growing up..
especially if you have the relationship that flying does with his mum.

You also need to remember that youre still young, and not earning a great deal...
be supportive and do little things now... when you are making disposable income
then its time to share and repay... give your mum things she couldnt afford...

im very glad you said this line "You also need to remember that youre still young, and not earning a great deal...be supportive and do little things now..."

makes me feel better, same with Mates post entirely.

thanks guys, ill do as Mate suggested and get this off my chest.

[(weedguru)scarf]

just giving my two cents

[AbbyRoad]

sometimes two cents are worth something akin to toonines...lol

but mate and scarf were totally right. talking it over with your mom is the best idea.

[logically]

guilt... its a bitch!!!

get that shit off your chest. you will feel better.

[Mate]

speaking of guilt, it remembers me a tale i got to write in litterature 2 years ago.
i got to find it, and translate it - sorry if it does not make sense at some point, i hope you will understand.

Two men that knew each other since ever met by the sidewalk.
They were both were depressed, sad and demoralized by life. They could not look more unhappy than they did.
One of them, wich who believed that he was the most unhappy of both told to his friend.
- if i can ask, you don't look like it's going great ? What's going on ?
He hoped that the answer would be something like
- I'm all good
it would"ve allow him to reply
- You're lucky to feel great, personally, things are not going really well.
Unfortunatly, his friend answered
-Oh, i feel bad.. i feel guilty, it's all my fault. My mom was sick, i told her to go at the hospital to see a doctor. And she died during the medical intervention. If she's dead, it's my fault.
The first guy answered with his own story
-My story is even worst. My mom was also really sick, and she wanted to go to the hospital, i told her not to, to go take some great time in vacation instead, and she died in a car accident. it's terrible, and it's all my fault.
The second guy said
-But you hated your mom, and i loved mine. I am the one that suffers the most of his acts.
-That's what you think, replied the first guy, your mom died without any sufferings, and mine...
-Yea, but yours didnt feel anything, and mine....

A storm stoped the conversation, and they promised to get back on this fiery conversation.
Because it's all about the fact they want to know who is the most guilty.
Who is the one that has the biggest suffering for having done, or told something, having not done, or not told something.