Intimacy...

[weedguru_animal]

I have been dating a woman recently. An ultra posh english woman. Of engaging intellectual zeal, feline facial allure and curvacious form. She told me she was a hopeless romantic...And constantly challenged my mind to joust, completely without chivalry. On our first date, we argued so severely, that I told her I should leave if she truly considered me nothing more than 'obnoxious, intellectualy arrogant and an introverted snob'. Still...I liked her. She was different to the other females I have briefly focused upon since splitting horrifically with my ex girlfriend last June. So I gave chase. Wrote her a poem, a piece of pretty prose, on coloured paper which I scented with my aftershave, and placed in a bag of flowers stolen from my neighbours garden. I presented this to her, after she had been to my house to enjoy a toothsome Animal engineered dinner. That same night we ended up on her bed. In her plush pad a stone throw from the beach, just south of the city. I was near to be being ejected from the premises when she joyfully started telling me about a man she had been extremely close to for many years. I listened, grew slightly aggrieved at the fact that she was telling me about him whilst inviting me into her lair. Politely, for a change, i stayed silent. But when she told me that he regularly cheats on his girlfriend, with whom he is now purchasing a house, i told her 'he is a cunt'. She was shocked, indignant, voice raised, reminding me that i was a guest in her house whom she could tell to leave at any point. I simply shrugged my shoulders, for my eyes were ablaze with flames...We managed to move past this incident. And an hour or three later we entangled. We did not fuck. But were very sexual, and more than anything else, affectionately intimate. I mean hours upon hours of eye to eye, nose to nose, kissing and canoodling. We slept, perhaps, nothing more than an hour or two, then re-embraced. Words were exchanged regarding how delightful we could be together, what we could so, the fires we could light between out loins and hearts...and then, at around 3pm, when she was an inch away from me, her hands on my neck, her eyes shining with glee, I told her...
"You do understand...I assume...that being this intimate with you, means that I wish to be intimate JUSt with you, and expect the same of you...to be natural...'
She released herself from my embrace, sat her back against the wall, her tone changed to something colder, less human, as she told me that she had a date with man next week which she was going to attend.

I was shocked. Or rather...sickened...explaining that it was like we planted love seeds, then a rabid dog appeared, pissed and shit on the soil, then dug up the seeds. Indeed, I remained close to her, but drifting away, as she noticed. Several times I asked her 'what are we doing????'...'what do i do here, with this??? with you???'. and the best she could offer in response was 'do what you want, daniel'. Ok, i thought. And soon after I left, an hour or so later, I began to grow angry, bitter, brimming with self loathing.

She sent me a text the following night, completely avoiding anything but an assumption that I was her's. Explaining how she had loved my writing and couldn't wait to see me again. My response was quick, poetic, open. By text, as I was then involved in my weekly house dinner soiree. I told her that...'i felt cold, bothered, and annoyed, at myself, yesterday evening...i could not be that intimate, as we were, if i had a possibly profound interest in another woman, to pursue, in the now or near now. It turned my perception of the mutual nature of the fondess between us, to dust....'

A text war followed, though I was doing nothing other than repeating my stance, just with different words...ever eager to practive my wordsmithery skills.

The next night we spoke on the phone, when I was stupidly drunk. She was apologetic, wanton for me, explaining that it was just a defensive mechanism because she felt i was getting close. And that she has this problem due to previous traumas. I was able to respond, but the rage in me took centre stage. Because how I saw it...She was flitting between telling me that i had been unfair to expect even a few days of mutual exclusivity, at such an early stage of the tryst...AND...using this 'im a sweet sparrow witha broken wing' routine. There was likely some truth to both lines. But I was only interested in telling her that she was a little girl in a woman's body, that her facade of poshness and intellectual prowess was a bothersome act, that she made me feel special, then in an instant, made me feel like i was as important, to her, as an ant. It was a horrible conversation. Pleas for one more chance. To cook me dinner, and let me see that she truly liked me and was simply scared.

I thought about all this...then wrote to her today to explain that her Push Pull tendencies were too much for me. Also...that its insulting for anyone but an emotional retard to not be able to understand that if a man gives a woman stolen flowers, and poetry, and affection, and hints of sexual bliss, then spends a day in her arms, and is suddenly told that the woman will be dating another man, he is going to feel bad. It was finished. Not coldly, but calmly and kindly and honestly.

I have encountered this problem several times in the last 6 months. Yet I have never encountered it in england. Though have lived there most of my life, and where my social circle is wide, varied and lively. Its most definitely different. Not just acceptable, but often expected, for a woman or man, to take on the role of lover. NOT fuckbuddy. I mean LOVER, but not have any intention of being just with one partner, until at least a few months have passed, if at all. I can understand whoring your sexual facets, but whoring emotional facets??? That is a step too far. For me. And its indicative of something very rotten in the society here. But who knows eh?? Perhaps I have simply been lucky in England.

There is Daniel in my dick, in my fingertips, in my tongue. Not just my words, or my eyes. I have always been like this. And always understood it very clearly. As well as understanding that others were not the same way inclined. I don't enjoy sharing them with a woman unless I want them...for more than an evening or night. For potentially something consuming and vital.

How do you see intimacy?

[cutthecashflow]

First of all, that is one of the better pieces of literary writing I have had the privilege of laying my eyes upon in quite some time. As far as your sentiments with this woman go, I agree with your decisions and your feelings you express in your words. I have had similar issues in the past, I wont get into them here as they are not relevant, but nonetheless I have a general understanding of where you are coming from. I've never been one to just be a fuckbuddy as you say nor do I find it necessary to sleep with as many women as possible; in fact, that aspect of it all leaves me feeling disgusted. I've had one night stands before and it leaves a feeling of empty rotting inside of my soul, a feeling of selfish lust that is not compatible with what I truly feel on the inside.

As far as intimacy goes I believe that both individuals need to be connected on an intellectual, sexual, psychological, and emotional level. They must also be true to each other, I cannot derive any satisfaction for someone that I care deeply enough about and invest emotional resources in to be seeing another person. And vice versa, if she is going along with the act I am giving her I expect her to be faithful to me throughout the time of the relationship. This mindless fucking around may satisfy the urges of the individuals and it may make the subconscious Id happy, but it does not satisfy the greater expanse of the mind and it surely does not contribute to further coping strategies down the road. Libidos run high and can be instantly satisfied, but a mental connection can last a lifetime, long after the individuals have gone impotent.

Perhaps your maturity and intellect warrant your mind to reason animal or perhaps you do not wish to exhaust your mental resources on a woman as promiscuous as the one you were seeing, perhaps it is something else entirely. Jealousy is one of the stronger emotions in men, it can bring out the fiery hellish side of us that many have never seen before and some women use this as leash around our minds, squeezing it ever tighter until they have complete control of our cognitions. But you are smarter than that and I'm not sure if that was her agenda or not, more reading of your situation would be required to even deem a reasonable hypothesis. I am off on a tangent here so I will fall back into my daily routine once again, albeit this was a nice break from it. I'm not suggesting you agree with what I post or maybe you do, but this is what I had to say and it has been said.

[pkkupo]

Jealousy... I like a small taste of it every once and a while. Humbling.

My original post was probably much more lengthy and thoughtful than what will follow, but I'm strongly compelled to express my frustration here....my intermittent internet connection duped me into thinking it was stable and consistent. So, by the time I hit submit, my connection had broken and hence my post lost. However, I'll do my best to convey what I had originally, only it will probably be a bit more succinct.


Before I reveal my personal experience and anecdotes related to yours, I'll give my overall feelings concerning intimacy...

Intimacy can be a wonderful thing, and not only in the physical sense of the word. When you combine a meaningful friendship with naught but the awareness of a mutual physical attraction, it can be a deep and complicated feeling indeed. Is it love? Probably not, but maybe something similar...Is it lust? Maybe, but the fact that I can look at a beautiful female buddy and feel something deep about her related to the simultaneous appreciation of every facet of her being is, I think, fantastic. However, for reasons I'm about to reveal, I've always resented my acute and aggravatingly strong penchant for the romanticism of female beauty...


Your story could not sound more familiar, Animal. Save for the fact that in my instance of the situation I'm in the shoes of your posh Englishwomen. I should start by saying that I've never been willing to commit to a romantic relationship for an extended period of time. Unfortunate as that may be, it has allowed me to experience every kind of intimacy with many more women that I could have imagined. (To be honest, I'm pretty sure I could accurately indicate that number of women with the fingers on my two hands, but the fact remains...) This did not come without a price of course... I've found that no matter how honest and sincere you say to a women something to the effect of "I'm sorry, but our romantic relationship cannot continue. The last thing I want however, is to lose you entirely", it is never taken seriously. I find it is mostly misinterpreted by the women as something like "I've grown board with you and your body, peace out biatch". Frustrating, that is...... and hurtful to both parties. I can imagine it is especially hurtful to the women I've been with.....I enjoy a long courting period followed by a brief but intense passionate relationship.... Me and my delusional ideas....

So, I definitely understand your frustrations with her push-pull game... I truly believe however, that two people can have a brief but intensely passionate intimate relationship without the....erm....burden.....of a long term cliche commitment. I seem to be the only one however....BUT, I've been thinking....

Do you recall, by any chance, a thread I created about a particular girl some time ago? Well, I've been seeing a bit of her lately and we are becoming quite familiar... She's sharp as a tack and gorgeous to boot. (Never in my life have I been able to honestly say such a thing) think I may ask her out on a date sometime soon. I do like to take things slow however, as I mentioned before, so I may want to see a bit more of her before I do so. We'll see.....

[weedguru_animal]

Thankyou both for your words....

Chris, your ideals are obviously very close to my own.

mr P...My angst was nothing to do with jealousy. It was totally concerned with a woman sharing with me obviously intense tenderness married to physical intimacy. Whilst Chris obviously has my same ideals, YOU are more like my ego. This has shown itself before, and likely would continue to show itself if you or I present such matters for the other. Which interests me...what is your NAME? and when were you born? at what time? on what day?

[WeedGuru_Flow]

As CTCF said this is a very nice piece Dan, lengthy but reads like a train.

I already knew some of what happened between you and the Posh one, I think you concluded it in a gentle fashion and I agree with your point of view.

As far as intimacy goes, it stretches beyond the physical realm, being intimate with your lover is something that in my eyes comes naturally. Being with someone means you trust him/her on many levels, you can't be intimate with someone you dislike, you can be intimate with good friends, not in any sexual way but sharing certain feelings,ideas,telling certain things is in a way intimacy.

I think it's a very important, it's a very abstract thing but without it relationships just don't work.

[pkkupo]

Ah. Sorry Animal, I didn't mean to suggest that jealousy had anything to do with your feelings about the situation... I was only mentioning it because it struck a chord when I read CTCFs reference to strong emotions felt by a man concerning women.... I think I more or less understood your take, and more or less agree with your evaluation of our similarities in ego... Particularly concerning women....and perhaps alcohol...... Now, to address your questions, if you would truly like to know...

My name is Nickolas. Familiars call me Nick. I was born in the morning of September the 19th. 1987.

I talked with my bodacious beauty today. Seeing her tomorrow... With a few friendlies, but we should get plenty of alone time. Wish me luck.

[wgToonces]

Thankyou both for your words....

Chris, your ideals are obviously very close to my own.

mr P...My angst was nothing to do with jealousy. It was totally concerned with a woman sharing with me obviously intense tenderness married to physical intimacy. Whilst Chris obviously has my same ideals, YOU are more like my ego. This has shown itself before, and likely would continue to show itself if you or I present such matters for the other. Which interests me...what is your NAME? and when were you born? at what time? on what day?

This interests me, why?

[weedguru_animal]

No offence taken, Nickolas...I understand clearly that was merely an offshoot from the rest of your words. Cheers for bothering to clear that up with me.
Thanks to you both really, for putting decent effort into enjoyable to consume responses to my recent dive into, and swift removal from, the depths of romance. I will return. No doubt...

[WeedGuru_Flow]

Ah. Sorry Animal, I didn't mean to suggest that jealousy had anything to do with your feelings about the situation... I was only mentioning it because it struck a chord when I read CTCFs reference to strong emotions felt by a man concerning women.... I think I more or less understood your take, and more or less agree with your evaluation of our similarities in ego... Particularly concerning women....and perhaps alcohol...... Now, to address your questions, if you would truly like to know...

My name is Nickolas. Familiars call me Nick. I was born in the morning of September the 19th. 1987.

I talked with my bodacious beauty today. Seeing her tomorrow... With a few friendlies, but we should get plenty of alone time. Wish me luck.

No no no

I am Nick

you are Nickolas (first time I ever see Nicolas spelled using CK,cool!)


so stop stealing my identity,Nickolas.


And good luck with the bodacious beauty bumping tomorrow!

[PuffPuffGive]

I'd made a new post for this, but after reading some of this thread< I think it fits fine here.


Most romances end. Even the ostensibly more serious relationships which reach an apex with marriage, oftentime end with a seperation. People may not intend for a romance to be temporary, however it generally is.

Jack and Jill fall in love, and plan on spending the rest of their lives together; only to split up a couple of years later. It's just what happens.

But what if Jack and Jane had decided from the beginning to end it in a couple of years? Would that make their entire liaison less meaningful?

Cheers

[weedguru_animal]

Cheers, Mate...I am...indeed, rather determined, and somewhat capable, of putting Feeling into words. And if you read so little that has this effect on you, then you MUSt delve into Miller, Bukowski, Thompson, Dostoyevsky. You and your Lady together, sounds divine, my friend...

[JokersAce]

Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them,

[weedguru_animal]

Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them,

Indeed...I couldnt have put it better myself, mate.

[(weedguru)scarf]

To me, sex isnt only a penis pumping a vagina, i can do it to any girl that has a vagina, it's not unique, if there's no energy exchange, intimacy, passion and love(wich is pretty much the essence of a sexual relationship). i will enjoy it as much as masturbation.

Interesting...
Can you then excuse a purely lustful act on the grounds of it having no energy, intimacy, passsion or love?
I dont think you can, but i do think that you can have unemotional sex- which leaves a contradiction of sorts.

I was sure i had post in here before because after reading a few lines of dans dialogue it all became familiar again.
Nonetheless, intimacy to me, is something built over a long time, and i feel that there may be very different levels
of intimacy. If i share a bed with a good friend, who i have known for years, is this intimate? Yes because we
have shared so many experiences, and so many emotions. No because there is nothing sexual between us.
How long does intimacy last? Can i be intimate with someone i meet at a party, take home, share a night
of passionate sex with, wake and talk the next morning, fuck again, then never see again for the rest of my life?

Im not sure what Intimacy is to me, but i think it is an unspoken bond between two people that combines a level
of physical and mental connection built over a period of time... it cannot exist with only one of these things, and it cannot
happen overnight.

[Mate]

To me, sex isnt only a penis pumping a vagina, i can do it to any girl that has a vagina, it's not unique, if there's no energy exchange, intimacy, passion and love(wich is pretty much the essence of a sexual relationship). i will enjoy it as much as masturbation.

Interesting...
Can you then excuse a purely lustful act on the grounds of it having no energy, intimacy, passsion or love?
I dont think you can, but i do think that you can have unemotional sex- which leaves a contradiction of sorts.

I was sure i had post in here before because after reading a few lines of dans dialogue it all became familiar again.
Nonetheless, intimacy to me, is something built over a long time, and i feel that there may be very different levels
of intimacy. If i share a bed with a good friend, who i have known for years, is this intimate? Yes because we
have shared so many experiences, and so many emotions. No because there is nothing sexual between us.
How long does intimacy last? Can i be intimate with someone i meet at a party, take home, share a night
of passionate sex with, wake and talk the next morning, fuck again, then never see again for the rest of my life?

Im not sure what Intimacy is to me, but i think it is an unspoken bond between two people that combines a level
of physical and mental connection built over a period of time... it cannot exist with only one of these things, and it cannot
happen overnight.

unemotional sex sounds like a complicated therm to discribe porn.