poem i wrote some time ago, please comment

[coronthian]

Damn i've had this acount for a while and i completely forgot about it until like last week. Anyways i'm going to post a poem i wrote called "redemption", i think i wrote it in march this year, not so sure anymore though.
Please comment as it is through your reactions that i'll be able to find different ways to write

Redemption

No one is happy with the world we live in
as none of our good attentions have risen
we must question our ability to reason
for there's no trust among us, only treason
the mistakes we've made have left us barely breathing,
as not everyone appears to be believing
that a rose can even bloom through the cracks of concrete
or that there’re so many things for us to see, without deceit.
Because of this there's so much anger behind our misery,
The people that never made it home, -remembered only as history
We continue to ask for help, for no one can see
that we are the cause of this world that should never be.
The thoughts within our minds need correction
as it is only us that will bring true redemption

[Grrrl]

keep em coming good to see some talent