i got this pain in my neck

[weedguru_animal]

I got this pain my neck,
Where all my tension converges..
Then Collects into a group,
And causes me urges…

it comes from the papers,
it comes from the news,
it comes from the source of all that’s wrong in the world,
and its impossible to lose…..

most leaders are liars,
who seem consumed by greed,
Mugabe lives like a king,
While ignoring the fact, that he has a country to feed.,
Fuck the Zimbabwean education system, what does it matter to him, if future generations cant read….?

The UK’s no better,
With Tony Blair at the helm,
He just pretends to listen,
To those who live in his bridled realm….

He says ‘you’re not allowed nuclear weapons,’
Then buys himself some more,
Telling the world,
‘only for peace and democracy, will I ever take this country to war’

He’s a puppet,
But at least he tries to act,
And he’s British,
So in his blood lies the gene of tact….

I cant mention Bush,
Id have too much to say,
He causes conflict for $$$$,
Then goes on live TV to pray….

But I best leave this rhyme here,
Before I mention any more names,
Cos they might do a search one day on Google,
and come across these very sincere insults and claims…….

Lets just accept this:
They live only for money and power,
looking at the earth and its peoples,
As inferior life to devour……………..

[danno_rollin_blunts]

that was pretty crazy!!! fuck all them other poets like william blake and his crew.. animal is running things!!

[weedguru_animal]

thanks mate!...that is one of my favourite lines of praise ever received for a rhyme...
"fuck blake and his crew!' i shall try and get that into poem someday soon...
cheers
AniMaL

[alexthechamp]

william blake was brilliant, you fucktard! :lol:

[weedguru_animal]

I have never read anything by Blake, but I know of him as my lady has always profusely expressed her high regard for the master poet. I haven't read any proper poetry. ALL of my -admittedly rudimentary- rhyming skills have been inspired/moulded by contemporary musical artists such as Mr Lif, Slug, Sage Francis, Mf Grimm...To me they are the modern laureates, the modern Shakespeares and Blakes.

[alexthechamp]

Animal, i'd enjoy your feedback in my thread 'poems for creative writing course'...or something along those lines. Maybe you have already skimmed through them, but a comment would be graciously accepted and examined....carefully.

[weedguru_animal]

alex, I generally don't comment on other member's rhymes unless I know the author at least partially personally. And even then, the verse has to have a blatant raw feel to it for me to find reason to comment. However...

... i did breeze through your 'poems for creative writing course' but I found them extremely foreign to my own idea of good poetry. To be more specific I felt the lines to be overly contrived, with too much description and not enough bite. The words didn't flow easily into my mind. But as I mentioned in my other post, I don't know much about proper poetry. I write my own (rhymes) in one sitting, and tend to spend at most 5 minutes ironing out any obvious creases. We have different methods and different goals for this medium. I don't like to knock the work of strangers as I worry that they may be like me and that every line they write comes verbatim from beneath the skin, but i think in this case your 'creative writing' is a little more carefully thought out than that. Still, I wish you the best of luck with your work. You certainly received some wonderful comments from a few people on here who have no reason to be anything but sincere, so that should do your confidence no end of good and give you increased reason to deliver your work to this forum.

[alexthechamp]

I appreciate you honesty! And indeed they were not a product of a stream of conciousness, rather many were edited, and re-edited, etc. I do believe that I wrote in brackets the type of poetry I was supposedly immitating. There are many genres, some of which I like more than others as well. The least contrived of those are the imagist poems that are very short and simple. They are meant to be simple and void of any extremely profound meaning.

[alexthechamp]

Here is my advice poem that I refrained from posting before. It is entitled 'Guidelines for the Inexperienced'

If you indeed wish her to remain content,
It's a good idea to first recieve her consent;

Before you make an attempt to proceed
with the lustful, and often messy deed

Heed this humble advice of mine, and please
consider yourself well in advance warned
For if you do not, your consequence'll be
the most unpleasant reaction: a woman's scorn