Alright guys, here's my GINORMOUS vacation log and all my pics!!!! Hope you enjoy, it took me forever to upload.
11/21/05
11 pm
As I write this I am looking out on a black sea. The moon is shining brilliantly on the water, and I can see the lights of Los Angeles in the remote distance. We are headed out into the ocean. I pause to see if my custom made pizza is ready. Portabellas and goat cheese... a little too fancy and rich for me right now, at this late hour. I already had a basket of French rolls and two caesar salads for dinner, while everyone else dined on lamb, veal, and escargot.
The trip started out poorly. I had decided to park my car at a friend's and ride the city bus to the airport. I left my friend's at 3 am to catch a 3:30 bus. The distance would have been negligible without 75 pounds of luggage, and after a few blocks my arms began to burn and I regretted not calling a cab. Some crack head was whistling at me. I tried to ignore him but he caught up to me and offered to help me with my luggage. Help would have been nice but I wasn't about to solicit it from a drug addict in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood. I had to decline 3 times; then the crack head insulted my luggage handling skills and finally left me alone.
I missed the bus. It was the last bus, and I missed it by 5 minutes. Oddly, the supervisor of KC Metro saw me, discovered my plight and drove me the 30 miles to the airport himself, in his transit van. So I saved a dollar fifty.
I was 2.5 hours early. Nothing to do but wait. I was a little apprehensive because I was meeting my grandmother, my uncle and my dad, who I have serious issues with. They were extremely late, and everyone was mad at my dad and in a bad mood. He had made them late and acted irrationally, as usual. My uncle pulled me aside and said "I'm so glad you're here. I'm sorry I stood up for him before.... I have had enough of his shit. Where's the bar".
So the plane took off at 6 am and we arrived at LAX shortly after 8. Having had no sleep, I was tired as hell and eager to get to my room onboard the ship. So after half an hour we're finally met by this fucking concierge lady.... worst customer service ever. My dad and my uncle were outside smoking, and my grandma was taking a shit in the bathroom. She had our tickets. "Does your luggage have cruise tags"? the bitch asked. "No," said I, "No one has given us tags yet". "What flight are you on"? "I'm not sure, I don't have that info in front of me". She huffs. "Well you have to have tags and I didn't bring enough. Here." She throws 2 at me. "Can I use your pen"? To which she replies, with scorn in her voice, "Don't know what flight you're on and you don't have a pen? Aren't you prepared". I slowly looked up at her as evilly as possible. "Are you fucking kidding me? I haven't been to sleep yet, I'm here with my 80 year old grandma, you made us wait, and you're being a total bitch why?" The lack of sleep made it really easy to express my feelings. We still had to wait 2 more hours before our shuttle arrived.
I thought the drive from LAX to Long Beach was fucking awesome. I've never been to LA before. It is soooooooo huge. It was so weird to see how spread out the downtown was. After miles and miles of skyscrapers, I finally saw the biggest ones through a shroud of smog, with mountains in the background. I wished we could have taken the day to explore LA! I saw the Hollywood sign waaaay off in the distance, too. LA is definitely the biggest city I've ever been in. Another cool thing was that I got to drive past - not through - the city of Compton. It seemed like 30 miles of ghetto.
So arriving at the Carnival Cruise port in Long Beach would have been much better if I wasn't so damn sleepy. I don't think I've ever pulled an all-nighter without drugs (uppers), and I had smoked a shitload of weed before I left Seattle. The sun was blazing, there were peppy Californians everywhere, and I was still wearing my medium weight jogging suit with the juice spill on the front. My eyeballs were so itchy, my hair was tangled, I was sweaty and starting to get seriously grumpy. I was supposed to stand in this long line, but fuck that. I escorted my grandma through the special assistance line and ditched her as soon as I got checked in.
Ahhhhh, clean room with bed and view. I sank into the bed and crashed hard for a few hours. When I woke I met up with all my family members who had arrived. Including my roommates, my 13 and 17 year old cousins. Did I giggle that much, once? Fucking annoying. I wandered around for a few hours, feeling a little sad. Beautiful people and couples were everywhere. I wished my boyfriend could have been with me, and I felt so out of place. But to complain, even to myself, is ridiculous and unjustifiable - not everyone gets to take expensive cruises. I went to the top deck to take pictures of Long Beach before we sailed.
This is what it looked like in the main part of the ship...
Leaving Long Beach at night...
The ship was so huge that I couldn't find the restaurant I was supposed to meet everyone at for dinner, so I was late. But I started to feel much better after being catered to and pampered - the dinner was amazing. It was gourmet and classy and entertaining, with strolling violinists and waiters who would bend over backwards to serve you. It even put my dad back in a good mood, and we laughed and joked!
After dinner I wandered into this huge theatre where there was a Vegas style show. I like watching chicks in hot pants and bras do highkicks while singing. I wished I could have brought some weed with me.
Then I pretended like I was going to buy some alcohol and got the vendor to give me 1/4 oz samples of about 15 different kinds of liquor, which was fun, smart, and got me kind of drunk. I decided to go lounge in one of the really nice hot tubs on the sundeck.
But back at my room, the girlcousins had unpacked a huge suitcase full of "formal wear". There's this big formal dinner and all these parties on the ship and at Catalina Island tomorrow night. I was just going to wear a skirt and a blouse, so I thought the dressing up was stupid. I was wrong. My aunt had thoughtfully packed 5 or 10 of her fanciest formal gowns. Trying them all on was so much fun - I don't own anything like that. I settled on the most gorgeous gown ever, a black princess cut with spaghetti straps and a flowing diagonal cut. It is so fucking hot with black heels - looking in the mirror; I could hardly believe it was me!
I went up to one of the secluded jacuzzis and found it delightful. There were little jets of icy water everywhere and it had all these bubbles... I stayed in for about an hour. No one bothered me, which was nice. I thought about Danny and how he would be with me if he was alive, and that would have been nice, to have someone to hang out with on this trip.
But it is just I, and from now on I'm going to make the most of this opportunity. I'm really excited to get dressed up tomorrow and do some ballroom dancing with all my uncles, lol. I also plan to sunbathe and use the waterslide, ALOT.
11/22
11:30 pm
Today was better than yesterday, and not just because I'm righteously drunk and stoned.
When I woke up, the view out my window was of Avalon Bay. The cruise ship was anchored about a mile offshore. It looked like the neatest little cliffside resort town, so I threw on a tank top, some shorts and my huge sun visor I got for a dollar and went out to the gangplank. Wait, no, first I ate a huge breakfast: Corn Pops, French toast, scrambled eggs, hash browns, oatmeal and fruit. I took a glass bottomed boat to the island, and saw all sorts of fish and shit. I window shopped at all the little shops, walked all up and down the streets, and bought a little cedar nug box as a souvenir. I layed on the beach for awhile, then took a regular boat back to the ship. I then ate a shitload of food for lunch, including french fries, salad, indian food and cheesecake.
Then I went swimming. I went down the waterslide like 15 times, it was so much fun. I also soaked in the hot tub again and talked to some other young people there. Then I went back to my stateroom, showered, and spent the next two hours getting ready for the formal dinner. I felt like a million dollars (and still do, I haven't changed). Dinner was FABulous, and this time the waiters sang to us in Italian. After dinner my uncles and I had shots of sambuca which we set on fire, and I also had a B-52 (kahlua and baileys irish creme). Then my Uncle Ray took me to the top deck, which I learned is a TOP OPTIONAL deck, how cool is that. I might go there tomorrow to check out some boobs. I'd bathe my own boobs in the sun if my dad and all my uncles weren't on this cruise.
Anyway, we smoked a joint and I got really stoned on top of my alcohol buzz. We proceeded to the Normandie theatre and saw the most amazing two hour show with live dancing and singing. It was so very entertaining, I can't even describe it. It felt like something you'd have to pay $100 to see. The lights and nearly naked chicks were tripping me out. My favorite part was the Austin Powers dance. OH BEHAVE!!! loll
Me in my slinky black dress
They don't "allow" you to purchase alcohol on shore and bring it back. So I bought a bottle of whiskey and poured it into a green tea Sobe bottle, which was pretty smart if I do say so myself. Somehow it's almost gone. I guess I drank the whole thing.... but I've been drinking all day.
And it isn't over yet, there is a special buffet with ice sculptures as well as fruit and vegetable sculptures, and an "adult comedy show" at midnight.
I am having the time of my life!!!
11/23
Midnight
To finish my story of what happened last night, the buffet was incredible. A stoner's dream come true. I was more drunk than stoned, a situation I remedied today, but the food was necessary to soak up some of the alcohol. You wouldn't believe the shit they sculpted out of food. Even the flower vases were made of chocolate and cheese.
Hungry yet? This is all made out of food.
The bald eagle and far statue are made of chocolate, the statue of freedom is made of cheese.
Badass ice sculpture of a sea dragon.
Made of bread dough and honey. They also had a city made of bread and crackers. I tore through that shit like Godzilla.
I went to the comedy show in the Queen Mary lounge. IT WAS RAUNCHY! I was just sitting at the bar, laughing my ass off, sipping on the drink I made in my room, when some tan guy in a tux offered to buy me another drink. I accepted on the irony that he would never look at me twice in my normal clothes, then excused myself to the restroom with my double rum and coke and found a seat in the lounge.
I can't really remember anything else except that I got sick before I went to bed and was too drunk to even get myself some water and aspirin.
I woke up a few minutes before my cousins burst in the room with a nauseating hangover. I was just sitting there trying not to heave when they came in. I noticed we were docked in the bay of a large Mexican city, Ensenada. There were a lot of nice buildings but a lot of big nasty ones, too. It looked dirty and huge, and fun to explore. Now if I can only get out of bed without barfing....
So I discovered the cure for a hangover. Liquid vitamins (provided in my stateroom for just such an occasion) plus massive amounts of hearty breakfast food and water. I felt fine, but my super religious family members had to flip me shit about sleeping in till 10:30 and waking up with a hangover, oooOOOoooh. As if we weren't on vacation.
I
Everyone ditched me with my grandma and great great aunt who can't speak but just yells TOAST TOAST TOAST all the time. She was crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong coz all she can say is toast, due to a stroke.
Eventually we all left the ship and were greeted by a nauseating shit wave that floated through the air for about half a mile. I couldn't tell if it was coming from the ship or the bay, where they must dump the shit. My dad and my uncle took off, and although it was frowned upon I didn't want to have to hang out with the grandmas and the little kids anymore, trudging along inch by inch from shop to shop, coz I've already been forced to hang out with these people entirely too much. 't have I haven't included those parts because they are boring and tedious.
I was on a mission. As I left the touristy area and ventured further into the Ensenada ghetto, all the English disappeared and creepy men harassed me from all sides. I shouldn't have worn a skirt, despite the heat. I saw some guys selling cheese. My Spanish is rudimentary and my grammar is very poor, but I can sort of communicate. "Amigos, no se interesante en el queso, pero donde puedo pagar la mota"? To which they freaked out at me, see I didn't realize they were missionaries and in addition to queso fresca they were selling Jesus cheese. "No! No drogas! No no no no laparrapalbramientosumbacachingasumadrepieldentacubra Jesus es el SENIOR!!!"
I asked a few more people, who said no. One guy told me he knew where to get it but refused to help me because I am a white stranger, it looks weird, the police would be suspicious etc. And I did see la policia, and they had automatic weapons and atvs.
I was walking down some railroad tracks when this crazy drunk crack head started harassing me. At first I thought he was another vendor pushing his wares on me so I politely said "no gracias" and tried to keep on walking. But he kept following me and getting in my space and I realized he was saying lewd shit to me, something about his dick and my hair. He was really pissing me off and scaring me and I didn’t know if I was going to have to kick him in the balls or what. La policia were not around. But another more respectable looking Mexican dude pulled up on a bike and cussed the guy out en espanol which chased him off. I was thankful, and thanked him. He introduced himself in a formal way (respectable to a woman you don’t know) as Marc Antonio, who lived with su esposa somewhere near where they sell clothes? Maybe on top of the clothing store. He didn't speak a word of English but he did agree to help me get some mota!! The language barrier was extreme, but I went to get my US currency exchanged for pesos while he waited - how we came to this agreement with my horrible Spanish skills I don’t know, but it took about 5 minutes. I changed 20 dollars for 200 some pesos, which was awesome. The weed was 100 pesos and I had to tip the guy that ran to get it for me. I got about an eighth of midgrade - it wasn't red and full of seeds, so I was happy. Marc Antonio invited me to a party... I think... he said it was very dangerous "fumar en la calle", to smoke in the street, danger from thieves and cops alike. I think that's why he was inviting me back to his house. I had a hard time explaining I was staying on a cruise ship - "hotel del mar" was as close as I could get, and there must have been an actual hotel del mar coz he kept pointing to the other end of the city and nodding. Anyway the party was at a las seis, but I knew I'd be having dinner on the boat at that time. I thanked him for the weed and the invite as best I could and made the long walk back to the ship. I bought a Mexican coca cola and after using a bathroom where I had to pay 2 pesos for toilet paper privileges, I found la playa and a secluded spot in which to smoke some bowls under my Carnival beach towel.
My Ensenada pictures!
Me in Ensenada
This is where I had lunch.
The intersections in Mexico are crazy scary... no traffic lights and nobody stops!
I went back to the ship and since I had the munchies I gorged on more food - French fries, sautéed onions, egg salad with pineapples, fresh fruit and bread. After changing my clothes I went back to Ensenada to sp the rest of my money. I bought my boyfriend a shirt... I bought some white tequila, some Mexican candy and a few Cuban cigars. I also somehow ended up smoking a doob and getting some papers from the guys who worked at the liquor store. I went back and had dinner with my fam - herbed polenta and mushrooms, beefsteak tomatoes, fresh mozzarella and basil pesto uuuuuhhhh good. Then I got stuck with the damn grandmas again in the theatre for like 5 hours. The magic show and the bingo playing were boring as fuck but the comedy show was freakin hilarious.
I tried to roll a joint but I suck at rolling and it was so damn windy on the top deck that I couldn’t keep it lit. I hit up the midnight Mexican buffet and some more dessert... hahahaha I'm not going to eat for a month when I get home. I feel so bloated and almost sick
This cruise will not stop feeding me - and if I wanted I could get free room service and order more food right now.
I’m beat, tomorrow is the last day and we'll be at sea all day. I hope it’s sunny.
Back at home ~
The last day was crazy because we spent the whole day en route back to Long Beach. Being on a floating city in the middle of the ocean was incredible. What did I do…. I went swimming and sunbathing all day, ate too much, tried to smoke the rest of my weed (I had my uncle roll me 4 joints) oh and I discovered I am a creepy old man at heart. I discovered this while lounging in the hot tub and making the spur of the moment decision to masturbate while watching young girls play basketball in bikinis. No one knew.
The last dinner in the elegant lounge was fantastic as per usual, and the shows in the theatre were the most lively yet. They were really long and themed from the 20’s to the 70’s – really cool shit to watch while high. The midnight comedy show in one of the lounges was good and equally raunchy as the last. I stayed up till two am and had to get up at 6 am to debark the ship. It was unpleasant, as was the traveling home. I hate planes. Oh and I finally got in a fight with my dad on the plane in front of all these strangers, which sucked. It was a great experience but I’m glad to be home!!
[img]http://a.im.craigslist.org/wb/wN/JlAJzS6s36uxWLoTVAezHhtGuWqk.jpg[/img][img]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y175/Denverbroncofrk/weedgurucopy.jpg[/img]
that means smoking looooootsa weed, shroomz, beer, party and chilling in a free bungalow with TV, kitchen etc.. and no parents 
