An Ode to JD

[ErinElizabeth]

Oh Jack Daniel’s, how I love thee.
You allow me to see the world from a new perspective …
Face down in the snow,
Passed out on the floor,
Draped on a strange man whose name I don’t know.

From my crouched position in front of the toilet,
I learn new things …
Like how to keep my hair from falling into the commode,
How to keep my face out of my own vomit,
Why you never, never, never mix liquor, beer, and pizza.

You show me what it’s like to want to die,
When I wake the next morning…
When parts of my body that I didn’t know could hurt are throbbing,
When the glaring sun makes my stomach churn,
When I wake up and see something really, really scary in bed next to me.

JD shows me what it’s like to not want to move,
As I try to stay still…
When I roll onto the floor and land directly on top of the pizza box and don’t move,
When I try to stop breathing because it hurts,
When I stay in bed next to that really, really scary person… or whatever the hell it is.

From my experience with JD I’ve learned how to lie,
To my parents, friends, and myself…
That I really was at church,
That no, I didn’t do anything on Saturday night… why, did you hear something?
That I’ll never drink again... never, as long as I live.

So thank you, Jack Daniels,
For showing me what fun life can be…
Without you I’d never have nasty hangovers,
STD screenings and various bruises,
Or chronic blackouts.

So as I curl in fetal position on the floor, JD,
And vow never to touch alcohol ever again…
I know that I will see you next weekend and the weekend following that,
Because even though I am lying in vomit,
Next to some unidentifiable creature that I just had sex with…

The truth is,
I love you, Jack Daniels.

[Dr. Greenthumb]

reminds me of a bad drunk i had about a month ago. all i could do was lie on the floor and curse that 'dirty tennessian'