Verbal/abusive relationships

[andriaSRH]

I wanted to go a little more into depth with this conversation, so I'm making it it's on thread.

either that or youre both suckers for punishment...
if a man doesnt treat you the way you should be treated then kick him to the curb

rule 1... dont be scared to be alone for a while
rule 2 there are a shitload more guys that will come knocking shortly

I'm sick of dating.

imo, i'd have to agree with scarf. Stand up for yourself. If you aren't being treated right, let him know talk about it, if it continues, I would break up. However, that being said, love can be a powerful thing... I know some people who will break it off and get back together over and over and over again. I never really understood that... but I guess only you'd know what's right for you. Breaking up is hard to do, but only you'd know if you should or not. Don't be afraid to take chances. If you do break up, and you're really meant to be together, you'll end up together in the long run.

It is common for women who have been in an abusive relationship (not saying that either one of you are in an abusive relationship, it seems to be silly things you and your boyfriends are fighting over, but this is just some literature I am sharing with you) to return to a similar relationship in the future or return to the same guy in the future.

Often times the violence will escalate to physical and the girl will call it off, the man will then tell her that he is sorry and it will never happen again. She either returns to the same guy and things start off great but slowly they go back to the way things were and the process starts anew (it is cyclical) or she finds a new man who really had the same personality as the guy that she was dating before and she finds herself back in an abusive relationship.

This occurs more often than people think and why it does never ceases to amaze me. There are circumstances where this isnt true, but odds are stacked in favour of it happening in this manner. It is unfortunate, but it is human nature.

My bf has never hit me before. Yes we have struck each other but it's always when we play fight. If anything I accidently hurt him all the time lol.

Do I think he is verbally abusive? Most definately. Last night confirmed that for me. The whole night he was trying to make things my fault. He called me names, threw a sandwich at me and made me cry. The whole time I stayed calm, and I even apologized for the misunderstanding that we had at Wal-Mart. I dismissed myself from the room once I was done repeating myself over and over. After a while he came upstairs, told me I need to stop "acting this way" and that he was sorry. The whole time he never admitted that he was wrong. He blamed me for his out burst.

I have broken up with him so many times, but I always find myself being drawn to him. We have good times and are definately soul matched. We are too alike to not be together. He does make me miserable ta times and deep down I believe that's him nuturing the mashocist part of me.

All couples fight but I'm not sure if they fight like we do. A relationship without a little bit of screaming and yelling doesn't seem natural to me. Also it'd be boring. Not all loving relationships are sunshine and rainbows.

Love is about pulling throught the bullshit and being stronger for it.

Anyways..that's just my two cents.

[Weedguru Higher]

Verbal abuse can be just as (if not more) devastating to a person as physical abuse can be...

Verbal abuse is about control, not love. Someone who inflicts harm to you does not love you.

Normal couple do fight on occasion. I've been with my gf about 2.5 years and we've had maybe 4 disputes. Which resulted in an argument and my gf stomping off to the bedroom for awhile, or the silent treatment.
That's what normal people do. They don't attack their significant other...(verbally or phsically)

[SativaMonkey]

Im new here & i really hope you dont mind me putting in andriaSRH but been alike isnt neceserily a good thing its not like having the same interests you can enjoy together & its one thing i have learned a very harsh lesson about. i am quite a laid back but self destructive character & spent 3yrs in a relationship with someone that was like my female double, all started real well she was a top lass "loved her to bits" but about a yr or so into the relationship we began to wear at each other and she started to become insulting & became very aggresive, she would lash out, try to temp me to hit her back, threatened with blades, i got mobile phones thrown/smashed in my face there was just to much to mention it was like hell. i left that relationship & my head was fu**ed, confidence crushed & left feeling worthless, she had even manage to damage freindships around me i had a lot of fixing to do & emotional scars dont heal as quik as physical ones

you know whats best for your situation, just dont let it happen to you... keep your eye out for worsening behavior from him & dont make excuses for him, love can be destructive

Once again i hope you dont me putting in

[AbbyRoad]

this is an interesting topic we have created here...
and i want to add but im not sure what to say, so i will just start typing

do i think my boyfriend is verbally abusive? not really. mostly he just neglects me. and the only time he yells is if i yell first.
but the neglect is just as damaging as verbal abuse. i grew up in a home with a verbally abusive stepfather, and tho you cant blame everything in life on your parents. my elementary/highschool depression was most likely influenced by how i was treated by him.
neglect destroys your self worth to the same degree as verbal abuse. you start to think if the person that loves you doesnt think your worth the time of day, than no one else must even consider you a worthwhile person. i guess the correct term for this kind of abuse is emotional. and i am a very emotional person so its for me to become hurt in this way. maybe some other women wouldnt find my situation bad, but for me its very draining.

THAT BEING SAID. i still love the guy. and even tho rationally i can see he isnt always good for me. i still want to make it work. so instead of just taking the neglect.
I AM STANDING UP FOR MYSELF.
when we fight its because i start them. i demand to be treated like a worthwhile person. i tell him its not ok sigh at everything i say to him, or ignore me completely. i question him why he feels like he its ok to treat me like that, when its obviosuly distressing to myself. with these accusations its understandable we end up in yelling argument.
and the fight that had me running away on the weekend....
when i came home from the park i flat out told him
"you and i are in it for the long haul together. and with you treating me like this. i dont see how its going to be possible. i love you but im 22 yrs old and this is not going to be the rest of my life" i said more but i dont really remember i was sobbing pretty hard as i said it. pretty much a threat to break up hurts me to even say.
i sure hope he takes it seriously. cause i certainly meant it that way.

i do alot of introspection. i examine my feelings and find out their causes. then think of logical and illogical solutions. so i often know what i need to do for myself, even if i dont follow through

[andriaSRH]

you know whats best for your situation, just dont let it happen to you... keep your eye out for worsening behavior from him & dont make excuses for him, love can be destructive

All in all no one here knows me well enough to put a label on my relationship. We're just two fuck ups in love, that tis all.

[Bubbles]

you know whats best for your situation, just dont let it happen to you... keep your eye out for worsening behavior from him & dont make excuses for him, love can be destructive

All in all no one here knows me well enough to put a label on my relationship. We're just two fuck ups in love, that tis all.

no nobody here know you well enough, however when the only times you mention your bf you talk about how you hate him, how you are just using him, and how you think he is a fucking idiot it can be very easy to draw conclusions.

just saying.

[Weedguru_Fire_Inside]

you know whats best for your situation, just dont let it happen to you... keep your eye out for worsening behavior from him & dont make excuses for him, love can be destructive

All in all no one here knows me well enough to put a label on my relationship. We're just two fuck ups in love, that tis all.

no nobody here know you well enough, however when the only times you mention your bf you talk about how you hate him, how you are just using him, and how you think he is a fucking idiot it can be very easy to draw conclusions.

just saying.

i hate to say it and i really don't like to be on the bad side, but he's right. not that this is the entire basis of the topic.

I don't stand for abuse of any kind. If i've done something wrong then i'll admit it. if i need to be shown that i've done something wrong, i'll let myself be shown. if it turns out i've fucked up, then i'll admit it, but never would i stand for abuse and nor should anyone else.

[(weedguru)scarf]

Verbal abuse can be just as (if not more) devastating to a person as physical abuse can be...

Verbal abuse is about control, not love. Someone who inflicts harm to you does not love you.

Normal couple do fight on occasion. I've been with my gf about 2.5 years and we've had maybe 4 disputes. Which resulted in an argument and my gf stomping off to the bedroom for awhile, or the silent treatment.
That's what normal people do. They don't attack their significant other...(verbally or phsically)

very true... all couples fight/argue/get on each others nerves...
but constant abuse of any kind is not what a relationship is about.

I understand but dont accept that "the thrill" of your relationship can come from abuse.
its not healthy and in the long run makes you miserable...
it has the possibility to also affect your other "loving" relationships... with family, friends... children...

think carefully.

[andriaSRH]

you know whats best for your situation, just dont let it happen to you... keep your eye out for worsening behavior from him & dont make excuses for him, love can be destructive

All in all no one here knows me well enough to put a label on my relationship. We're just two fuck ups in love, that tis all.

no nobody here know you well enough, however when the only times you mention your bf you talk about how you hate him, how you are just using him, and how you think he is a fucking idiot it can be very easy to draw conclusions.

just saying.

Very true.
I will actually apologize for that. I shouldn't use this site as a place to vent my anger. WG isn't my private blog

[AbbyRoad]

i dont think you should apologize andria

you should be able to share your thoughts freely without fear of reprisal. if not then whats the whole fucking point of the Internets anonymity

[andriaSRH]

You have a point, but still. If I were you guys I'd be sick of hearing about it...

[Bubbles]

i dont think you should apologize andria

you should be able to share your thoughts freely without fear of reprisal. if not then whats the whole fucking point of the Internets anonymity

free porn.

[Weedguru_Fire_Inside]

i dont think you should apologize andria

you should be able to share your thoughts freely without fear of reprisal. if not then whats the whole fucking point of the Internets anonymity

indeed. if people weren't interested in some way, they wouldn't have opened the topic.

you should be able to post anything of slight to major importance on here. the only thing that ever gets to me is the random, pointless bullshit threads.

[SpRi7e]

I think he meant intentional harm, not just harm in general.. that's impossible to get around

[AbbyRoad]

love hurts, general harm is a given.