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Just looking for advice on ways to handle the pain and shock I don't know what the fuck to think

That must be shit man, i've been through bereavement (sp) before and it ain't fucking good. All i can do is say i want to sympathise for you and all those affected.

There's a special bond between band members, and when one is lost, it isn't exactly the end of the road, but it's one long ass traffic jam man.

Keep ya head up.

shit man sorry to hear....

i am truley sorry. What sucks is that in these types of threads most people say they are sorry.

My condolences to you Tripp just keep ya head up man I kno how hard it can be I lost a best friend in a car crash about 2 years before coming on here it hurt real bad. What makes things worse is that the cause is unknown at least when the information arises you can put something together in your head to try and understand and come to terms with this loss. Just greive(sp?) and remember him for all his good and I'm sure the result of you growing to be a better person from dealing with this tragedy will help him rest with his legacy as a friend to you living on.

Oh no.... I'm sorry....

You were very sympathetic to me when my brother died... to have the same thing happen to you...

Well I'm just sitting here all stoned and all I can say, knowing somewhat the pain you are going through tonight, is that you don't deserve this.

I hope you're okay... I'll post more later when I'm more coherent. Hang in there man, tough times ahead....

Life is so hard, and precious.

Finding one's faith in the continuity of the soul doesn't even ease the pain of "never" seeing them again. Tangibly, they are gone, to somewhere like the dream world. Barriers of time and space do not hold him in. I hope you have a better time of honoring your friend's life and putting his memory to rest than I have had. My heart goes out to the mother and daughters he left behind as well. A hole is left in the fabric of the community when a young person dies. It doesn't make sense. Most people live like it will never happen to them - but it can, it does, it will. It can happen again. I know you've experienced loss before, man, and I know this must be devastating for you. I hope you have all the love and support you need right now. We are here to listen if you feel like talking about it. I care.

Thanks Caro, and thanks to everyone else who's posted in this thread. The pain comes and goes in paralyzing waves. He may as well have been a fucking family member, I've known him..I knew him for 9 years.

I went to the funeral today. I was cool and composed for so long, keeping it together, until we got in line to pay condolences. My heart started racing and I was feeling a little emotionally wobbly. That line seemed to take forever, until I got to the front..I could barely even take the steps up to the casket. One of Twisted Method's songs was playing, called Reach. As soon as I saw his pale lifeless face I couldn't fucking help myself. I broke down and started sobbing, shaking violently, just shutting down. I almost had to hold on to the casket so I didn't fall to the ground and cry. He had his baby picture laying against his chest; his guitars were lined up and encased in glass. I've been crying ever since, this pain is not even describable. Any other sorrow in my life doesn't come close. I loved him like my own fucking flesh and blood and now he's gone, why god, why...

This is caro

I know.... oh god, do I know. A few days is nothing in this process. Thinking of Andrew, and you, in Florida. It's so hard to deal with, I wish I could take some of your pain. Not knowing your friend makes me realize again how precious relationships are. Those we love carry what is left of us in this world, the memories we made, after we are gone.

Did he know that you loved him like a brother?

Im really sorry to hear this happened man. I know how hard things must be for you right now. The pain you feel will never fully leave you, It may not hurt as much, but it'll still hurt. I guess all you can really do is offer to help his family out if they need your help. Did he have any kids? Do they know why he died yet? He must of enjoyed these last couple of years what with being in the band and all. My sympathy to you and his family and friends.

Yes he had kids, beautiful baby twins. Of course they're too young to understand what happened...oh god I can't stop crying like a baby..it's just so hard to imagine him not here. I got so hammered downtown last night and all I could do was sit there and cry. Eventually I just got to a sort of drunken state where my head was laid on the bar and I just kind of zoned and stared..I was really stoned too. God I wish Andy was here getting hammered with me, it's not the same. Derek is torn up, Ben is torn up..even Nailz is torn up. It's not right, it shouldn't have happened to him..how are his kids going to grow up without a father figure? How is Jamie going to explain to her kids where dad went?

Damn man, sorry to hear bout the loss. In thereapy we did this section all about the grieving process. Here's a piece about the grieving process, a process which is very, very true.

What is Grief?

Grief occurs in response to the loss of someone or something. The loss may involve a loved one, a job, or possibly a role (student entering the workplace or employee entering retirement). Anyone can experience grief and loss. It can be sudden or expected; however, individuals are unique in how they experience this event. Grief, itself, is a normal and natural response to loss. There are a variety of ways that individuals respond to loss. Some are healthy coping mechanisms and some may hinder the grieving process. It is important to realize that acknowledging the grief promotes the healing process. Time and support facilitate the grieving process, allowing an opportunity to appropriately mourn this loss.

Common Reactions to Loss:

Individuals experiencing grief from a loss may choose a variety of ways of expressing it. No two people will respond to the same loss in the same way. It is important to note that phases of grief exist; however, they do not depict a specific way to respond to loss. Rather, stages of grief reflect a variety of reactions that may surface as an individual makes sense of how this loss affects them. Experiencing and accepting all feelings remains an important part of the healing process.

Coping with death , grief and loss

* Denial, numbness, and shock

o This serves to protect the individual from experiencing the intensity of the loss.

o Numbness is a normal reaction to an immediate loss and should not be confused with "lack of caring".

o Denial and disbelief will diminish as the individual slowly acknowledges the impact of this loss and accompanying feelings.

* Bargaining

o At times, individuals may ruminate about what could have been done to prevent the loss.

o Individuals can become preoccupied about ways that things could have been better, imagining all the things that will never be.

o This reaction can provide insight into the impact of the loss; however, if not properly resolved, intense feelings of remorse or guilt may hinder the healing process.

* Depression

o After recognizing the true extent of the loss, some individuals may experience depressive symptoms.

o Sleep and appetite disturbance, lack of energy and concentration, and crying spells are some typical symptoms.

o Feelings of loneliness, emptiness, isolation, and self-pity can also surface during this phase, contributing to this reactive depression.

o For many, this phase must be experienced in order to begin reorganizing one’s life.

* Anger

o This reaction usually occurs when an individual feels helpless and powerless.

o Anger may result from feeling abandoned, occurring in cases of loss through death.

o Feelings of resentment may occur toward one’s higher power or toward life in general for the injustice of this loss.

o After an individual acknowledges anger, guilt may surface due to expressing these negative feelings.

o Again, these feelings are natural and should be honored to resolve the grief.

* Acceptance

o Time allows the individual an opportunity to resolve the range of feelings that surface.

o The grieving process supports the individual. That is, healing occurs when the loss becomes integrated into the individual’s set of life experiences.

o Individuals may return to some of the earlier feelings throughout one’s lifetime.

o There is no time limit to the grieving process. Each individual should define one’s own healing process.

* Factors that may hinder the healing process:

o Avoidance or minimization of one’s emotions.

o Use of alcohol or drugs to self-medicate.

o Use of work (overfunction at workplace) to avoid feelings.

* Guidelines that may help resolve grief

o Allow time to experience thoughts and feelings openly to self.

o Acknowledge and accept all feelings, both positive and negative.

o Use a journal to document the healing process.

o Confide in a trusted individual; tell the story of the loss.

o Express feelings openly. Crying offers a release.

o Identify any unfinished business and try to come to a resolution.

o Bereavement groups provide an opportunity to share grief with others who have experienced similar loss.

o If the healing process becomes too overwhelming, seek professional help.

I'm sorry for your loss, although I have no idea what you're going through, I know that time heals everything, so just try to have faith.

Shit man, i don't know what to say, that's fucking terrible. I have no idea what you're going through, all i can do is offer my deepest condolences.

Keep your head up and try to be strong for his wife and kids, they're really gonna need someone right now. Shit dude, i'm truly, truly sorry.