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Today Sunday we are allowed visitors over at the halfway house from 9am - 3pm. My longtime friend (not a fuck friend) Nathalie popped in as she has twice before. Cept she had something really, really heavy on her mind, that she finally spilled out to me.

She has been living with the father of her 3 year old son for five or something years. I don't really know him well, he's not particularily social.

Turns out things have not been so hunky dorey typical canadian family as it appears. (BTW she cried through the entire 5 hour non stop conversation) It seems that this guy has a very dark other personality. She has been going through alot of terrible verbal abuse and she admitted to him hitting her enough to raise a bruise 4 or 5 times. She told me some pretty awful shit that was said, and the worst part about all this is that their son has been hearing and seeing everything. She said that her son went up to her after his dad had bitched, sworn , and threatened for 20 minutes and asked if he could live alone just with mommy somewhere else cause he didn't like Daddy and was scared of him
My god that is one of the sadest things I have ever heard..the little guy is so cute and innocent looking but it appears he has a deep pain lurking somewhere underneath. Nat has never told anyone anything about this until today , until me. Little guy gets woken up in the night to hear screaming and falls back asleep crying shit like that. Kid came home from daycare with a picture of a house, mom and him, no dad. Nat showed me the pic. When she asked him why he didn't draw Daddy he said I don't like Daddy Man she says this has been going on for a bit over two years, but she has always been in denial until yesterday when her son said he wanted to move out. Guess reality hit her in the face, and she is now realizing that this shit in seriously affect her kid. She thinks he's going to become like psychologically scared from all this shit. Damn she's hurtung bad..I've never seen a person cry non stop for so long. I cried through have of it too..how could I not? It's so damn heartbreaking and a shock.

I told her she's gotta leave for the sake of the little guy. She says that she has realized that also today, but yet the decision seems heart wrenching for her.

Guess the dude like goes off on a crazy rampage, like the flick of a lightswitch and totally unpredictable. She thinks he's got something wrong in the mental health area..like manic depressive. She says its not possible for a normally functioning human to have such drastic mood changes. From the way she described everything I am inclined to agree though I'm no psychologist

Oh and the dude is like mad crazy over power tripping and having the last word in everything. And he has no faults, but she and everyone else do nothing right. He's some psycho clean freak who throws a fit over two dirty plates in the sink after she has scrubbed and cleaned the entire appartment from ceiling to floor. Says she really loves him when he's normal, that he's a wonderful companon and father. Bu tthen its like he gets overtaken by someone else goes all crazy then flicks back and most of the time doesn't even realize what he just did and said. She seems pretty adamant that he's not just faking to suck up.

Soo...she knows she has to leave him, but she can't seem to muster up enough courage. She scared about her son growing up without a father. Scared bout having to start life from scratch again. He financially supports them 80%, she only 20% working part time. She has no highshool diploma and little work experience for someone aged 25/26. 3/4 of the furniture belongs to him as well as the car.

Man I really don't know what to do more to help her. I have a pretty closeknit friendship with her, and damn it really sucks and hurts to see this shit going down.

Sure I could go over and give the guy a good ass kicking, but that will only make matters worse for Nat and her son. I looked up a number for a battered woman shelter and gave it to her, but she doesn' want / hsan't got the courage to call up for an appointment. I am worried that if I interfere it'll backfire and make worse shit happen. Should I like take her to the shelter or the cop station to file a complaint and get a restraining order or should I let her do this entirely by herself?? It's hard..I wanna help her out but don't wanna make things worse either. She's practically a sister too me. She mentionned being scared real scared that if she leaves him or has him arrested that he'll come and find her . She's not sure if he would ever actually carry out the threats. Oh I forgot to mention that at the fair he was crapping at her in the car and described in detail how he would like to kill here. In front of their crying son

I think I'm not gonna sleep very well tonight with all these serious decisions. What do I do??? I need some advice. Man I feel so depressed for her and so helpless at the moment. I feel like words of advice just aren't enough..but then again maybe they are. I'm not sure. Maybe making all the necessary moves to get away from him have to come purely from her..but then again seems to me she needs some kinda support through this hard shit.

Sorry bout the long post, it was a five hour conversation afterall. There are soo mant things I didn't even go into. And this is one of those secrets that are too heavy a weight to bear alone.

Higher if you care for her that much you will get this guy thrown in the slammer for spousal abuse!

either she goes to the police herself or calls them when he next hits her. or if its ok for you to call them then call them yourself, quickly.

That made me feel so sad. She needs to leave him asap, no question about it. That kid needs to get as far away from that thing as possible. Doesnt she have friends she can stay with until she can find her feet? Parents or even a close friend of yours to help her out. There is no excuse for a man hitting a woman, never unless in self defence. She needs to get out of there, tell her when he is at work to just pack all her stuff and get the fuck outta there providing she has somewhere to go, even if it is that womens shelter. I feel so sorry her and that child most of all and he told her in detail how he would like to kill her He needs locking up. She needs to leave and get in touch with the police

Being the father of a 4 year old son i'm taking this quite hard...I know this is kinda queer thing to say maybe, but I'm more worried about the little tot. Man, I think its this kinda shit (alongside sexual assualt) that turns teenagers into Columbine like kids or have some type of serious behaviour problems.

With a bit of professional help I'm sure Nat can beat this, she's a pretty determined tough cookie. I'm worried that its already to late to remedy what awful things have been impregnated into her sons head. That's pretty much all he has known all his life, he probably thinks thats the way it happens with every kid. Gotta show him down a new road, whereas Nat has already walked that road mant times. Know what I mean?

How old is this friend of yours, old enough to move out I'm guessing? If he really threatened her you probably should step in and help, that doesn't mean beat his ass though, maybe this is something you should get the cops involved with if he threatened to kill her.

I don't really get to come here too much anymore, the site is buggy not only for me it seems but also INSANELY slow. Hope things go well for you and your female friend

Higher, first just let me say sorry that all this is happening to such a close friend. It really sucks knowing their are men out there who would put his wife and child through this.

IMO, I would take her to the cops myself. Unfortunatly, most women who are in an abusive relationship will not take the proper actions to help themselves out. Take her to the cops and support her. Even if she doesnt want to go you need to take her before its too late and this guy goes completely off his rocker.

if she says she loves the good side of him, maybe she should try talking to him? explaining the damage he's doing to thier son and try to get him to help himself. it sounds to me like he needs a psycho therapist asap. but i dunno if that'll work seeing as how he's the type that "never does anything wrong". i wonder if she went to the cops and explained her situation, if they could watch the house and when he starts acting up they come in and catch him. or if they could have court order him to get help. but she should definitely get the cops involved.

dude i was in a similar position a few months ago. i had been noticing that my friends boyfriend was becoming increasingly verbally abusive toward her in front of myself and her other friends like calling her a stupid mole, dumb bitch, fat slut...that sort of thing. not cool. so me and a few ofthe other guys staged a mini intervention to get him to stop the abuse before it got worse. unfortunately this made it all worse and he managed to cut us off from her life so we couldn't interfere. we didn't see her for a few months until i finally got a phone call for help.

he is one of those guys quite similar to the one you are describing higher that is never wrong and anal retentive when it comes to house cleaning, which he never does i might add, and goes off when anything is not perfect. they don't have a child (thank goodness) but still i was fucking worried about it all and what would eventually come of it if it remained unchecked. when he finally did hit her me and a few of the boys, including his brother, went around to sort him out. he went to counselling and she got the courage to break it all off. she now has a boyfriend that treats her like she deserves to be treated.

the situation that your friend is in sucks heaps because of the child and the financial dependency. in situations like that it would be increasingly difficult to get out. especially if the abusive partner lets them know that they can't survive without them.

i dunno man, you may have to just go over there and talk to this bloke. at least then he will know that what he is doing is not right and that you are keeping an eye on the situation...

Hmm, its kind of a hard situation in what to do, because the wrong thing can then make it worse.
I don't agree with what CourtneyLove5000... said If she at all says she loves him in the good times, there's slim chances at all that she'll leave him. No one should ever take abuse, ever. Talking it over, won't change a thing.
I myself was in an abusive relationship for three years. But it was always "but I loved who he was when we first met, maybe I can get him to change". That boy still hasn't changed... I didn't end up leaving until he got angry and broke up with me and came crawling back a week later again and I finally said no. I was to the point of killing myself if I went back to him, but I still almost did for a few months afterwards.

Anyway, I'm not too good with law but I thought it was pretty much unless she had some proof or had the cops called while he was being abusive then the cops really can't do much. Even then he could get out of jail in the next few days. But then again that could give her time to leave. Does she have any family/friends she could stay with until she gets on her feet or what not?

Either way, I think you should continue to support her. If she says "maybe I should leave" agree and remind her of her son and how it will help him too or sometime like that. Let her know if something happens that she should call the cops, etc.

dusk1022 wrote:I don't agree with what CourtneyLove5000... said If she at all says she loves him in the good times, there's slim chances at all that she'll leave him. No one should ever take abuse, ever. Talking it over, won't change a thing.

I guess i should have metioned that if it were me, i would try to talk to him and if he wasn't willing to get help, i would work my ass off to get a full time job, and when he's asleep, i would leave his ass.

Courtneylove5000 wrote:

dusk1022 wrote:I don't agree with what CourtneyLove5000... said If she at all says she loves him in the good times, there's slim chances at all that she'll leave him. No one should ever take abuse, ever. Talking it over, won't change a thing.

I guess i should have metioned that if it were me, i would try to talk to him and if he wasn't willing to get help, i would work my ass off to get a full time job, and when he's asleep, i would leave his ass.

Heh sorry just after my own experience and then having to help a friend all last year deal with shit from some guy I get frustrated at seeing the issue. Because they do say 'oh of course babe, i'll change' and many times they don't. But yea I understand what you mean now.

Well Higher, i'd try pushing her into the direction of breaking up with him. Even though she loves him this kind of relationship isn't realy that good to raise a kid in, isntead of staying together for the kids they oughta break for the sake of the kid.

Just keep comforting her, let her talk if she wants to it helps alot.

Fuck that..Higher take your friend and her son to where you live or away from that bastard...get a couple of friends and kick his bitch ass ski mask and all. I know people are going to think this is stupid and immature..but that son of a bitch needs to learn his lesson, mental or not. Also, no mean to disrespect your friend, but she has to stop crying and be tough for the sake of the little guy. She needs to think shit through, and just leave. You said shes 25/26..so im figuring she's a nice looking girl. She can find a nicer man that will be a true father to her son, she deserves better than that and so does the lil man. Your friend Nat can finish high school in night classes, and in the meantime get a job at a supermarket which they pay very well (here in US 10$ an hour) She seriously gotta get her shit together she probly all traumatized but thats why your there. To help her out... hope this helps..beat the shit out of that insane fuck

Spongebong wrote:Fuck that..Higher take your friend and her son to where you live or away from that bastard...get a couple of friends and kick his bitch ass ski mask and all. I know people are going to think this is stupid and immature..but that son of a bitch needs to learn his lesson, mental or not. Also, no mean to disrespect your friend, but she has to stop crying and be tough for the sake of the little guy. She needs to think shit through, and just leave. You said shes 25/26..so im figuring she's a nice looking girl. She can find a nicer man that will be a true father to her son, she deserves better than that and so does the lil man. Your friend Nat can finish high school in night classes, and in the meantime get a job at a supermarket which they pay very well (here in US 10$ an hour) She seriously gotta get her shit together she probly all traumatized but thats why your there. To help her out... hope this helps..beat the shit out of that insane fuck

dude, beating the shit outta someone has been the solution to almost any problem here