Cock Lock
Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:17 am
New Hampshire news
2004
The Friday night shift in the emergency room of any major hospital is not for the faint-hearted, but occasionally, these brave doctors and nurses are rewarded for their efforts by witnessing the humorous antics of some idiot who has managed to get himself into a very embarrassing situation.
That's exactly what happened last weekend to emergency workers at Exeter Hospital who were called to help a New Hampshire man after his friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles while he lay drunk and passed out and then disappeared with the key.
An artist's impression of how the locked penis would have appeared to hospital staff
The 39 year-old man, who wished to remain anonymous. (no shit!), told hospital staff that a friend had put the lock on him while he was drunk and passed out. (Wow! If that's what this guy's friends do to him, what on earth would his enemies do?).
When he woke up the next day, his 'friend' had left town and had taken the keys with him. And that was over two weeks ago!
The man told doctors that he had initially tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw but had given up after a 'near-fatal slip'. Then for the next two weeks, he hobbled around town, trying desperately to come up with ideas of how to spring his swollen testicles from their incarnation. Finally, he decided to swallowed his pride and go to the local emergency room to seek professional help, with his tail locked firmly between his legs.
After a twenty-minute laughing fit, staff finally regained their composure and called a local locksmith who managed to successfully free the man's family jewels from their 'safe' without causing any lasting injury.
Police were also informed of the situation, (probably so that they could determine whether the rest of the man should be locked up as well). He was quickly interviewed and then released but not until some of the junior officers had used their cell phones to take photos of the man's little prisoner to send to all their colleagues around the country.
2004
The Friday night shift in the emergency room of any major hospital is not for the faint-hearted, but occasionally, these brave doctors and nurses are rewarded for their efforts by witnessing the humorous antics of some idiot who has managed to get himself into a very embarrassing situation.
That's exactly what happened last weekend to emergency workers at Exeter Hospital who were called to help a New Hampshire man after his friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles while he lay drunk and passed out and then disappeared with the key.
An artist's impression of how the locked penis would have appeared to hospital staff
The 39 year-old man, who wished to remain anonymous. (no shit!), told hospital staff that a friend had put the lock on him while he was drunk and passed out. (Wow! If that's what this guy's friends do to him, what on earth would his enemies do?).
When he woke up the next day, his 'friend' had left town and had taken the keys with him. And that was over two weeks ago!
The man told doctors that he had initially tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw but had given up after a 'near-fatal slip'. Then for the next two weeks, he hobbled around town, trying desperately to come up with ideas of how to spring his swollen testicles from their incarnation. Finally, he decided to swallowed his pride and go to the local emergency room to seek professional help, with his tail locked firmly between his legs.
After a twenty-minute laughing fit, staff finally regained their composure and called a local locksmith who managed to successfully free the man's family jewels from their 'safe' without causing any lasting injury.
Police were also informed of the situation, (probably so that they could determine whether the rest of the man should be locked up as well). He was quickly interviewed and then released but not until some of the junior officers had used their cell phones to take photos of the man's little prisoner to send to all their colleagues around the country.
