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I don't think I've seen this anywhere before so I'm making this the "War Stories" topic...Basically just post any fights or drunken brawls you stoners have gotten into in the past or shit like the below thats happened to you and what ya'll think about it.

Me an kara (gf) were just sitting on a bench in town. We were just sittin' chillin' eating McDonalds, when up comes two neds (townies) (don't know what american's call 'em). One of them was drunk and one was sober, the drunk one shouts from about 5 feet away "Get a grip! Whit the fuck are yoo wearin man!!?!". Well, I was wearing my favourite Slayer t-shirt (God Hates Us All) and 3-quarter length baggies and blue DC's. So I reply to the cheecky little twat with my middle finger and then he shouts "yoo ya fuckin' goff (goth)", so I'm fucking pissed off now because he has no fucking right to call me a goth when I am but a normal person. Then I threw my can of Sprite at the fuckers head and it bounced off and me and my other half are pissing ourselves while the smaller drunk ned is shouting all sorts of shit at me wich I couldn't make out becase he was drunk then he ran away I didn't expect that at all because him being so big an tough to start shit with me in the first place should've been big an tough enough to do something back after I chucked my can at him . Anyways I was just sittin thinkin about that an got annoyed because of that little fuckers cheek to even say something like that in the street when he didn't even know me! Drunken fuckface.

Edit: Americans call 'em Devskis....I think.

I'm american, I've never heard of anyone being called a ned or devski... Where are these people from you're talking about, or where did this happen?

I haven't gotten in a lot of fights that were serious. Its never us punching eachothers faces back and forth, it usually ends up in ground fighting. Me and my friend Byron were walking to the mall and some people were throwing rocks at us. They were probably just stupid teenagers, it was dark. There were 3 and my friend wanted to go start a fight. They were not really that menacing though so we went to the mall instead. Then he shoplifted a Nintendo Gamecube. Still in the box. He just shoved it under his shirt and I can't believe nobody noticed a box larger than a melon under his shirt.

I also got in a fight with my ex-friend (he is now in jail until october, I moved though...) and some lame ass drug addict, who had a HUGE mohawk. They were walking to the Tram station with me and I called him a 'fucking idiot' because he just was. He punched me in the chest and I told him I wasn't going to put up with him, he did again and I slammed him on the dirt face first. I think i knocked the wind out of him. I crescent kicked his retarded friend and it was basically perfect and his nose bled. I just walked home, and the next day they acted like everything was fine.

townies = chavs

chavs = www.chavscum.co.uk

Good thread I have far too many to do all at once so they'll probably come in dribs and drabs. Drunken idiocy is my specialist subject.

The Night I Lost My Phone

Two weeks after i got my brand new sweet video phone, i went down a snooker club. I didn't have any money so i took some (quite alot actually) beers from my house with me. I had been drinking all day and all the way there so i was shitfaced before i arrived. When i got there i was waiting for my mate (you have to get a member of the club to sign you in), drinking and being loud. This guy who worked there came out, saw me with a beer and started lecturing me, told me i wasn't allowed in coz i was too drunk. This pretty much set the tone for the rest of the night.

I went in anyway and proceeded to get shit faced. Sitting there, blatently drinking my cans of Carling for all to see, i even built a little beer can tower next to me, which buy the end of the night was getting pretty big. I got kicked out 3 or 4 times over the space of the evening, once for saying something derogatory to the fat barmaid and a few more times for getting seen drinking my outside alcohol. I kept walking out the door, then finishing my beer and turning round and walking back in again, sitting down and cracking open another one. I was shifting gear from shit faced to crazy drunk, and i hadn't smoked a spliff all day, which didnt help.

Eventually the place shuts and we all leave. I'm shouting my mouth off at everyone we see and singing in the streets. We go down to the square and meet some girls after my best (all be it drunken and poor) efforts (mostly sexual innuendo and sexist comments) were spurned i reverted back to shouting and singing. Then i got bored and started walking home. I hadn't even walked 30 feet when i decided it would be a good idea to use my new pool cue (which i forgot to mention i stole from the snooker club) to smash a car window. Then i hear a very angry sounding man screaming ''OI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY CAR?!'' Shit.

So i start running, though unfortunately the only way home is one long straight road and he's in a car, so i cut through a random alley, jump into a garden and hide behind a shed for a bit to catch my breath. I put my phone on silent so if it rang he wouldn't hear it. This proved to be my undoing. After a while i get bored, get up and just the fence into the next garden, then the next and so on. Must have jumped about 8 fences, maybe more (still carrying the pool cue) Then i got back to the road, thinking he must be gone by now. I turn to my right (the way home) and what do i see? That fucking matey again. And he's pissed off. I run past him, (the wrong way, incidently), but i'm still really pissed so i fall over from where i was running too fast. This gives him a chance to catch up. When i get up he grabs me and started waving a hammer in my face and raring up at me.

''Get on your knees and beg or i'm going to take your fucking knee caps off.''

I think for second, then smash him in the ribs with the pool cue. It breaks, i am not happy. I headbutted him, punched him in the face a few times, then ran off again, thinking i'd go to a hidden place, ring someone with a car and end this madness. I go to get my phone out but it's not there. Fuck. I run round the back way and come out at the other end the alley i went into in the first place. I knock on (i say knock on, i mean shout at) my friends house, who handily lives across the road and get him to ring my phone. I got back to the first garden to look for it there and figure i could hear it from there if it was somewhere else. Then i remembered it was on silent. I get someone to pick me up and go home, dejected, with a distinct feeling of loss and very, very pissed.

I didn't sleep that night i was so angry, i went out at 7 the next morning to look for my phone in daylight. I knocked on every door and checked in all the gardens and nothing, it had fucking vanished. My guess is someone found it and kept it. Oh well. It pissed me off to lose my simcard though, i had the same number for like 5 years and it had all my numbers on there, friends, girls, masses of drug contacts and people i've probably forgotten existed by now.

The final kick in the bollocks was i went out and bought a new, cheaper, less good phone, then i found out that i could claim it on my house insurance, but they only gave me the money for the replacement phone. If i'd have bought the same phone as i had before they would have re-imbursed me for that, but instead i got a less good phone and lost out £70. Fucking insurance companies.

O_O Wow, that is pretty crazy. You're pretty crazy. hahah, do you think he'll remember what you look like and run into him one day? American clubs always have their security up front, so if you're kicked out then you'll have to disguise yourself or something to get back in.

BTW, the only word I know americans call british folk is "limey" and even still I haven't heard anyone use that in a conversation

clashcityrocker wrote:O_O Wow, that is pretty crazy. You're pretty crazy. hahah, do you think he'll remember what you look like and run into him one day?

Probably, when a 30 something year old, big bloke gets his car smashed then done by a skinny 16 year old, he probably remembers it.

American clubs always have their security up front, so if you're kicked out then you'll have to disguise yourself or something to get back in.

You only really get bouncers on the door of clubs and pubs in main town centres on friday and saturday nights over here, this was a pretty shitty snooker club, just an old guy and that fat chick behind the bar.

And i'm not british, i'm english.

I suppose this goes here, not really worth it's own thread.

Don't you hate it when you wake up and have absolutely no idea where you are? I opened my eyes this morning after a hard nights binge drinking and saw a purple ceiling. Im thinking WTF? and i can here people talking, i dont recognise either voice. I remember nothing since my 7th Kronenbourg and Jack (i also drunk green beer for the first time last night), don't even remember leaving the pub or how i got where i am. Then i hear the voice of a mate i have not seen for AGES and i realise I'm in his house. I then get filled in one some of the more hazy details by his mum.

Apparently i came in, was clearly very, very drunk (so drunk i got knocked out of the pool tournament in the Semis, that's just embarrassing. I hate losing and it matters more when there's money on it.) But yeah, i was sick. ALOT. I have absolutely no recollection of this, none at all, but the evidence was clear. It was on the windowsill, it was on the sheets, it was on my shirt and there was some on my face. I take a moment to reflect on how attractive i am. There was also a big pile of it outside on the floor. Apparently after i was done being sick (which took a very long time, so i'm told) i fell alseep hanging out the window and had to be pulled back in. While i was cleaning up i was trying but couldn't for the life of me remember what went on. I woke up with no bud and no rizla so i assume i had a smoke at some point but i don't remember that either. I doubt i'll be able to look his mum in the eye again, apparently she had to sit with me while i was being sick all night to make sure i didnt choke on my own vomit or something. Alcoholism Rocks

Ok, this is quickly turning into Midnight's drunken tales thread, but while we're on the subject i may as well tell this one.

My Last Night

Last summer I went to Tenerife with 3 of my mates and we had the most amazing time. Ever seen Tenerife Uncovered? Well we went there, and it was fucking awesome, great clubs, booze by the plently, loose women and very, very strong ecstacy.

Those two weeks were madness from start to finish, constantly fucked and getting into all sorts of shit, my first night i was woken up face down outside a club by some complete strangers, then had to taxi run home, only we didnt know the area so we got dropped nowhere near where we were staying and it still took us about 45 minutes to get home, but that's a whole other story.

So it got to my last night (me and my mate were leaving two days before the other two) and i've got a fair bit of money left so i think right, go out with a bang.

I get slaughtered, really piss drunk before we even leave, drinking absinthe with my mate and pints at dinner, by the time we left the first bar (we always started i the same place coz it was two pints and 4 free shots for the equivalent of about £3.60) i was shitfaced. I went and got three pills (ecstacy) from our regular dealer. His face always lit up when we saw him for some reason I had completely fucked my foot on about the 5th night, so by the end i was taking E's like painkillers. I was hobbling around all day, then getting pilled up and raving all night) I toke one in the the second bar, then took the other two and raved my bollocks off in the hardcore club for hours.

I am in the worst state i think i have ever been in, the pills have got to me hard, i snorted another half a pill then went back to the club. I had no water and no money left to buy some, i even had to drink the shitty tenerife water to keep myself hydrated. I have a picture of me that night, i look fucked beyond belief.

It got to the end of the night and all the clubs shut, and we only knew of one club still open. My mates wern't up for it, but i was, so i rallied blagged someone who we met out there and we were off. On the way i stopped in a shop, picked up a bottle of strawberry schnapps (always our last resort, it's great coz it taste like fruit juice but you can chug a whole bottle (1 litre) pretty quickly, get ratted, then get back to the clubs) winked at the security camera and put in down my jeans, then got the fuck out of there.

So we get to the club, having downed the bottle between us on the way, it's shut. Fuck.

We wander about a bit, then i seem some trampolines on the beach. I think that looks like fun, so i jump the fence and get in. I backflip, got all the way round and land on my back, dangerously close to my neck. This does not deter me. I am invincible. Or so it would seem.

I did a front flip, went all the way round and landed thumb first. I look at my thumb and it's not pretty. Clearly dislocated, all bent up, pushed in and dodgy looking. It doesn't hurt too much at the time, but it looked fucked up and would have hurt if i wasn't so hammered. So i'm wandering down the street, totally screwing about my deformed hand and we bump into the old people (i say old, maybe 50, pretty old but not decomposing yet) I show them my thumb, they wince. I ask what the fuck they think i should do, and this guy says to me;

''Well, you can either go down the road and pay 200 euros for them pull it back into shape, or i can do it for you now for free.''

The decision was easy. I gingerly extended my hand to him, he grabs my thumb and ripped it back into place. It hurt. I was what i can only describe as a split second of the worst pain i have ever felt. But then it was fine. I looked at it, and it look normal again, ached like a bastard but it was bearable pain, so long as i didnt move it. I shake the guys hand (with my other hand) and we leave. Me and my new found buddy realise we don't have any money, and were staying in opposite directions. It's 7am. We get in seperate taxis and go my seperate ways. I say the only hotel i can think of that is not my own and he drives. We pull up and i get out and run. I'm on a comedown, fucked up foot, dislocated thumb and now i have to taxi run. Karma's a bitch.

So i run down some stairs, look up and see i'm running into a dead end. I go to turn round, but the taxi driver bodychecks me down the rest of the stairs. He gets on top of me and i get slapped about a bit. My thumb is killing and i can't even make a fist. I accept that this is a battle i have lost. He keeps screaming ''Policia, Policia!'' and i'm thinking I don't really want to miss my flight home becuase i'm stuck in a Spainish prison. I offer to get him some money, so he drives me back to my hotel. I go to my room and bang the fucking door down trying to get my mate out of bed to borrow some money. Eventually he comes to the door, pays the taxi driver, who leaves. I sit down, drink more absinthe and tell him this story.

Heheh cool stories man.
Maybe this should be a sticky icky?

The night of my 16 birthday party me and about 3 friends got together and was doing the normal (smoking heavily and drinking heavily) so we didnt have shit else to do so we decided to go to a carnival that was in town. By the time we get there, everyone was feeling extra good. Specially me considering i had been drinking and smoking the most. So we get there and stubble in and shit and proceed to ride a few rides. Well when we were on the Zipper my friend was like "Hey Bran, is that Matt?" and i sqented and noticed that it was him and about 4 or 5 friends.

Now to give you some detail on Matt. He was the "all american, im going to wear ripped blue jean, shop at American Eagle and drive my daddy's Escalade to school" type of kid. Well come to find out, he was talking mad trash about my best friend becuase my best friend's ex and Matt were now going out.

Anyways, Me and my friend look at each other, and without even saying a word nod our head in agreement. We got off the Zipper and got my other friend and made our way to his group. They were waiting in line to get tickets so My two friend started on the right and i went around so i would be on the left. LMAO, Matt and his friends saw my two mates walking towards them and turned around to make a quick getaway and didnt even see me. As soon as they turned around a swung and knocked Matt right on his ass. Then his friend tried to jump me and thats when my two friends jumped in. We were throwing punches left and right and i remember kicking someone straight in the ribs. I know i came close to breaking that kids ribs. The fight lasted for about 3 minutes and was over when mat and his friends were on the ground crying like babies. Dont get me wrong, they got some good punches in and i was pretty sore the next day, but it was memorable to fight at a carnival.

Toonces wrote: I was fucking pissed off at the fact some shit had happened earlier that day (read the "War Stories" thread, you'll see)

I just read that from another thread, I didn't realize that like just happened to you!

Oh and btw, they're called Devski's where I come from, which is a little hick province in Canada. They's all the kids who play AAA hockey so they think they're superior. Has anybody ever seen that thing where people kinda flick their wrist and their fingers smack to gether to make a loud snapping sound (it's different from snapping your fingers) Well they do that and they're like "Yo DEVIL!!!" and everybody thought it was ridiculous so we laugh at them and do it wich eachother like "Yo, sup dev?"

Not really a fight at all, but annoying:

Me, one friend and another where rolling a joint at the beach. *splash behind us*. "WHat's what?" a few seconds later... *SPLASH* we're all soaked, and there was no weed in the skin. The water had splashed on the rizla and knocked all the weed out, never to be seen again. "AAAAAHH". We chase the people at the to pof the cliff, absoloutely soak them with water (they where small kids we couldn't hit them lol). Sit back down. About 5 mjinutes later, a new joint being rolled, and see the top of this paragraph for the rest of the story.

It happened twice!!!!!!

lol. And i've just noticed this has nothing to do with this thread!

fuck man that's shitty, where are you from phil? you shoulda..... did.. something to them kids, bah there's nothing though, cuz they're fucking little fuck head children. Don't ya just hate kids some times?

If some stupid kids wasted my weed, I guarantee they wouldn't get away with it. I'd have to castrate them, or disembowel them, and then tell their parents :b

Midnight this is all a lie wrote:And i'm not british, i'm english.

Um...


The most recent fight I had was at a house party, there was a keg and plenty of liquor and trees goin around..so by the time I'm nice and buzzed up, I wanna get away from the main room and all the noise so I head downstairs where a couple of drunk ass kids are watchin Family Guy. I sit down, start havin a few good laughs, when this punk ass bitch comes out the kitchen bitchin about "I'm in his seat". I said there's 3 more over there go sit in one of those. Again he insists on me moving, so I say calmly "Nah bro I don't feel like gettin up right now, just go sit in one of those chairs," to which the cunt replies "If you don't get up out my seat then we have a problem mutha fucka." I said what the fuck you gon do about it, and out of nowhere he tries to break a bottle of schnapps over my head, luckily misses, and hits a nearby table spraying glass everywhere and getting a rather large piece stuck in my lower stomach. (I'm talkin loooooooower stomach, like within the pubic hair region. Very very close to the 2nd head) I stood up and threw one hook, bitch falls back lookin scared as hell. He sits there for about 5 or 10 seconds, slight pause, then he's back up, hits me a few times, and I pull in a mad fuckin haymaker, knocks the bitch out cold, body slumped up against the piano. At least I think it was a piano, I was half drunk. Had to go to the hospital after as I was bleeding profusely but it was worth it as so was he.