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Ive been thinkin how much ive changed in the past year or so...

I remeber saying about a year ago, Well let me give some background info. I was with 3 of my homies, Real close homies. We was chillin, Smokin drinkin poppin, Jus normal sesh shit. And i remeber saying somethign about "how you know in about a year or so we'll all be packing heat runnin the streets, Somethings gotta change". Ever since then, Ive thought something has got to change. I dont want to see those T-Shirts with my face on them, My ma has told me if i died before her(murder), She would kill herself. She couldnt take it.

Now this present day. Lets see, 2 dead, One in jail, and here i am.

-My homie "J" died from huffing gasoline.

-My homie "E" got killed crossing a major street drunk as hell, Got killed by a drunk driver.

-My homie "C" is in Lincoln Juvenile Hall Of Justice(Same place im going to court) for attempt. murder, And grand theft auto for stealing a car, And pullin a drive by trying to get in with the local crew "Folk".

And here i am, The last fucking one left...

Why? Because i knew there was a better way, I knew it didnt have to be this way. I pulled up outta the game, Gave up slangin, Gave up gang bangin, Gave up thievin, Connin, All the stupid shit.

And im still caught up in the court system.

But after this, I think im going to be seeing sunny days, I think life will take a hard turn in the right direction. Im not fucking up anymore, I have a different mentality. Its not kill or be killed, Its you get what you put it, And people get what they deserve. I put in my work, Ive done some bad things in my life, Well alot of bad things. And now im paying the price. But ive learned a hard lesson that has probably saved my life.

Now i have to stay on the right road, Im getting what i deserve for the mistakes ive made. And everyday im becoming a better person, Im doing better things. Before i know it, I wont have to worry about the punk police, Worry about my enemys and all that bullshit. Im putting in good, and i should be seeing that in return in the days to come...

Hey BG man good for ya. Thats the right attitutde. But I have one question for ya. Will it be tough getting out? Ya know cause Ive read and viewed lots of stuff and they all say that once your "in" your "in" for life. I dont know maybe its all just a buncha hype us Rural boys here out here in North Dakota. But I was just wondering will you be able to get out easy or will someone try and throw a wrench in the whole situation?

way to go. keep on the right track and you should be fine. you dont need to prove your self to others be you for you.

cutthecashflow wrote:Hey BG man good for ya. Thats the right attitutde. But I have one question for ya. Will it be tough getting out? Ya know cause Ive read and viewed lots of stuff and they all say that once your "in" your "in" for life. I dont know maybe its all just a buncha hype us Rural boys here out here in North Dakota. But I was just wondering will you be able to get out easy or will someone try and throw a wrench in the whole situation?

It depends. Some fools get killed, Some are respected.

Ive never actually been beat into anything, But hung with crews for many years(Easy 8 years or so).

I got haters right now, Fools pissed off at me. Thinkin i aient real no more, But havent once heard a word about anyone trying to actuallty taked me out because of it. Im real, As real as it gets. But being real, And being what i was is two different things, And alot of people dont realise that.

And if it comes down to it, Fools come after me, Let em. They know where i live, They know i got guns, And a baseball bat always right next to me from room to room. I dont think itll come to that, But if it does, It does. I aient scared, Im real. Fuck em, If it comes to the point of them trying to kill me, Then its "kill or be killed". And i will not hesitate to protect my own life or my familys life. Jus the way it is.

But i dont think it'll come to that. Im honestly real respected. Ive never been one to try ti impress *censor* like alot of the young fools do. I never killed no one, Never fucked anybody over that didnt fuck me over/plan to fuck me over. Play the game, And follow the book. I did, And now im out.

The fact you can even maintain a positive outlook on life and not fall back into your old life is a testament to your will. I know a lot of kids out here who like to think theyre real tough n will kill anyone they see or shit like that; pisses me off because the real people who are forced to live lives like that usually dont enjoy it. It's hard being stuck in a bad situation and remain upbeat through it all, keep pushin and it'll be all good. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I've had about the same thing with my "crew".

There was a group of 4, myself, "W", "S" and "K". We've been friends since elementary school, always getting into trouble and shit, almost every day at least one of us was in detention in high school, when S got kicked out of school, the 3 of us followed him to another school. We just walked into the principal's office on the day S was expelled, gave that fucker the finger, and went home. The next day we made a pact that we'd always stick together, and if one of us was in trouble, the others would have his back, no matter what.

It's now 5 years later.

K is dead, he died in a DUI accident 2 years ago. The car he was in was rammed by a drunk fuck, he died in the hospital 6 hours later.

S has been in and out of juvie and jail for the past 3 years. Arson, robbery, assault, break and enter, he's done it all. He's currently in jail for beating up a cop who tried to take him in for being drunk in public. He's hooked on coke and heroin, the last time I saw him he hardly recognized me, and when I told him I was a dealer, the first thing he said was "I need some heroin, man..."

W moved 6 months after we made the pact because his dad was transferred. He changed his cell phone number and his e-mail address, we haven't heard from him since.

I miss those guys. I've got amazing friends now, but I miss the days of bailing out of school during lunch to smoke tiny joints with shitty weed, pissing off other kids in school, fucking with the teachers, you know, the kind of stuff silly 14-year olds do because they're bored.

Those were the days...

Good thinking man. Im glad you have realised all this, good luck in life.

The days, i think everyone has a point in their life (usually when you were little or growing up) that was the dayz. I miss my days, when life was easy and there was no cares.

BG, im fairly new here, but ive read alota your shit and you can tell alot how youve changed just reading the posts man. Keep it real dont fall back into the shit, its never worth it in the end. Your outlook is exactly right, put in the hard work and youll get your sunny days, nice job, nice things, just a nice life for yourself in general. Ive come to see life is what you make it.

I had my rough days n got my shit together finelly. It always gets better man.

Its never worth it if your dead.