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My deepest condolenses go out to you and your family, definitely very sad to lose a loved one Hope everything gets well soon for you and your family, remember that life's a bitch, but what can we do but move on in life not forgetting the good memories you shared with your brother. Good luck Caro, will definitely spark a fatty for him tonight

I havent been here in a while and didnt know he posted here, damn, caro sorry to hear that man, i really am, looks like a real nice kid too, damn , im so sorry Funeral ?

"it's amazing how much we all are touched over an inteernet forum. <3"

true, we are so so many miles away, its great that we all come so close together when a tradgey like this happends,

much love caro

still cant think of anything to say. Just keep with it.


lots of Love from Us!

Hey guys. Wow! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted after the pics. Some of your replies were really, really nice and it helps so much to know that Dan is now a worldwide legend. This topic has been viewed over 1000 times! Of course, 420 of those viewings were probably mine. I didn't check any other topics for a few weeks... anyway I just wanted to say thank you again to all who offered sympathy and support... what else can you do when a friend of yours is going through this. Well, you can act really uncomfortable and try to get her off the phone as soon as possible, flake out on loaning her a book before she moves, and never answer your phone or call her again. Some people... anyway I've noticed that some people tend to react that way to a freshly grieving person... I think you all have something special for "listening", allowing me to get it all off my chest and being "here" for me, here at Weedguru so to speak. Honestly, this has been a tremendous help in coping. Last night I showed my mom some more of the nice things you people said, and we read another one of Dan's posts here. (We're saving them for special occasions when we feel sad. They never fail to make my mom smile and laugh.... Dan's written words come alive for us... we can hear his voice, you know).

Dan wrote:i've only ever had one really bad high. me and some of my friends drove out to a secluded area and hot boxed my van via 3-4 normal sized J's. after smoking, we all decided to go to this girls house and kick it. we werent too stoned as of yet, but that didnt last long. on the way to her house we managed to hit a cat, which pretty well fucked up our decent high, so on arival, we decided to smoke more. one of my friends brings out an 1/8 and proceeds to roll the ENTIRE thing into one enormous blunt. this blunt is a good 6 inches long and at least 3/4 an inch in diameter. so we lit it up and passed it around till there was about 2 inches left. at this point it was incredibly resonated so the girl whose house we were at busts out her 2 foot bong. we were all incredibly ripped by now and this is where it starts to go bad. i hit the bong hard, incredibly hard, and had a coughing fit for at least 30 min, just barely managing to not puke. once the coughing subsided i could barely move. i couldnt feel my body and couldnt make out andy words. if anything touched me i cou;ldnt feel it for at least 10 sec after. so me and my buddy Dusty decide we cant handle being inside anymore and go chill in my van outside. its about 35-40 degrees out but we cant feel anything. we end up just sitting in my van for 3 hours not realizing what the the hell is going on. we werent quite passed out but we werent coherent either. it felt like my body was just going to slow to a halt and die. the picture of that damned cat just jumping under my tire and the thud thud repeated itself over and over all night. i couldnt stop thinking about it. i finally realized at about 2am that i needed to get home. i got home at about 3 and immediately crashed. i had to get up at 10 and i was still high! it wasnt a good high though. i was weak and tired and felt almost sick. this lasted all day.

This just taught me a lesson. Being high is good. Being really really high is good. But there is a point where it stops being good and just isnt fun anymore.

Thanks again you guys, for letting me have space here to talk about him. I'm feeling so much better about this... it still sucks donkey balls, as Dan would say, but I think I'm going to find quality in my life again.[/quote]

Damn Caro, your brother seems to be one of those persons who just wasn't meant to leave yet. What he wrote then, made me think think of myself. He shouldn't have died. The more I read of this thread, the more I start being aware of how precious life is, and I noticed I don't take danger as non-serious as before. Just like Dan said, this taught me a lesson, and maybe Dan's story will keep other kids from being unpreventive, too. At least, I wish it of all my heart.

Man...

I felt better today than I have in a long time, coming to terms with it.

But I wanted to look at the pictures from the slideshow we made of his life for the funeral. And some of these pictures... they just make me so sad, such an ache in my heart for what can never be replaced. It's like you can't breathe, it's such a strong feeling of loss. Oh, Danny. Why do you have to be gone. It's such a hard life... even though you had it hard, you so looked forward to your future. I wanted to see you succeed, I wanted to see you have a chance to be free. Now you are free, little brother. No more suffering, and you did suffer here.

I love him, you guys. He was the best sibling ever, and I'm not just saying that. I knew while he was alive, every time I saw him that he was an extraordinary young man. I told him how proud I was of him for bearing his burden. He never let it make him into a monster - he was so sweet, so loving and so mellow that I think he must have been born that way. If I could I would love to get these pictures hosted and share them. I wish I had someone to talk to right now, I feel so down about it. It's almost midnight and I am alone. But people must be getting bored with my grief... for everyone else, life goes on.

My life won't ever be the same. This kind of pain changes you. For one thing it brings back the memory of the other one who died, who we watched die for two long painful years. I'm looking at pictures of myself as a little girl with my big brother and my baby brother. It's still like a hard slap in the face: they're gone. Both of those young men with their lives in front of them are gone. My big brother left a 4 year old son. Just old enough to remember watching the medical personel put his father's emaciated body in a plastic bag. My nephew is 12 now; oh, he's beautiful. He has the most startling blue eyes, and the look and build of his father. Life has not been so easy on him, and he's a withdrawn and silent young man. I want so badly for him to be here, to come stay with us. I hope he can soon. I see his father in him as though he were a living link to that man. I wish Dan was the type to father illegitimate children. After he died I had a sick dream in which we requested his sperm removed and I carried his surrogate child in my body. When I woke I was disgusted with myself; Dan had been dead for days. But he was going to go to aeronautical school and become a pilot. He might have married and had kids... he would have been a good father.

A week before the accident, on Father's day, my sister's class made cards... and "If you don't have a father in your life, make it for another male that you look up to". And the card is beautifully colored... "Go Danny go! Yaaaaay Danny! Go Go Danny!"

I have to keep writing, I know it's an awful bore to whoever my readers are but it helps so much... I felt like absolute, utter turtle shit and now I feel a bit better...

Go Go Danny. Fuck! You know I am starting to get a little angry with him. If he was alive I'd smack him. Ugh! How could you jump off that cliff without a life vest? Why did you go alone instead of in tandem? What the hell is wrong with you, you scared us! We couldn't bear to lose you...

That's just it I guess. We couldn't bear to lose him. I dont think this thing with my mom and dad being friends and him paying her out of Danny's savings is going to work. He's already cut her wages due to "back owed child support". On Danny. I think we moved out here and now he's going to fuck her over financially. I'm scared and hurt, feel vulnerable.

Dan, if you're reading over my shoulder, and if you are, wtf I hope you give ppl bathroom privacy, all I want to say to you is... anything. I wish your ears worked. Remember that time we smoked bowls all night and I convinced you that mom wouldn't be pissed if we took her car for a joyride? And once we got on the road I was totally paranoid of getting caught, so bad I nearly started hyperventilating... I remember you looking over from the driver's seat and just being like "Chill, Cari. I'm good at this".

And you were. You were good at a lot of things. I wish I could ask you so many things. Today I was listening to "The River" and the lyrics jumped out at me as never before, though I love that song.

"If I could ask you one question, I'd ask you where you went
You could teach me a lesson every time I got bent
But the alcohol don't make me forget about it all
Doesn't matter the season, the leaves can still fall.

I have to believe...that you can hear me
Coz you got to meet the sun before you got to meet my son".

This is probably embarassingly long so I'll wrap it up and go smoke a bowl. *yawn*.

This is the image that was making me cry the hardest... If you guys don't mind I'd really like to share the rest tomorrow.

Innocent.

well, dont feel embarassed at all!
www.photobucket.com u can host quite some pics htere for free so u can put urs up there...

and well caro, if u ever need someone to talk to just get online on msn and well chat about anything whatsoever

take care your doing great

Whenever I feel bad about anything, I just play Gangstarr's Moment of Truth. That song helped me through many difficult moments, especially the second verse.

Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don't fear, things get severe for everybody everywhere
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil
The situation that I'm facin, is mad amazin
to think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I'm contemplatin in my bedroom pacin
Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racin
Suicide? Nah, I'm not a foolish guy
Don't even feel like drinking, or even gettin high
Cause all that's gonna do really, is accelerate
the anxieties that I wish I could alleviate
But wait, I've been through a whole lot of other shit, before
So I oughta be able, to withstand some more
But I'm sweatin though, my eyes are turnin red and yo
I'm ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind
I put down the knife, and take the bullets out my nine
My only crime, was that I'm too damn kind
And now some scandalous motherfuckers wanna take what's mine
But they can't take the respect, that I've earned in my lifetime
And you know they'll never stop the furious force of my rhymes
So like they say, every dog has it's day
And like they say, God works in a mysterious way
So I pray, remembering the days of my youth
As I prepare to meet my moment of truth

I have to say Caro, your posts are sounding much much happier. Ju like I said see? It will get better. Next time I have £20 available Im gonna spark up an 8th all to myself, in respect to him and in hope that everything gets better. Its the least I can do seeing as I never knew him

Hey Caro
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. That's so rough. Good luck with recovering and growing from this. My sympathy and support~

Firefly - what's your name, dude. thank you so much for adding that. My mom made it our desktop picture.

I have a series of pictures I would like to share from Dan's life. I don't think I'll show them all in one post.


Mom and baby Dan


All Of Us. Dad, Ron, Dan me and Mom


Dad and Us


My big brother and my little brother... together in this life only once, may they come to know brotherhood in Heaven.
Reject the forces that separate family.

My name is George. Those pictures you posted along with the captions touched me big time.