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nowhere wrote: I can stop time

But you stopped it at 4:19, thanks a lot asshole!

I can....um.... uuuuuh.............. I can drive a stick shift perfectly while smoking a bowl while eating a burrito while getting head, at the same time fixing my make-up in the mirror!

Cept yo ass is so high you try n smok on ur burrito, get head from your stick shift, n put makup on ur bowl.

I always have a lighter on me somwhers.

but none of them ever work

i can make weed plants grow in any condition. seed to harvest in a week !

But you get arrested and spend the next 20 years in jail.

I can breathe fire.

Which of course destroys your lungs rather quickly.

Weedguru Funk Doctor wrote:But you get arrested and spend the next 20 years in jail.

I can breathe fire.

but you are arrested for arson every time you burp


i can see thru the back of my head

I have a magical pocket in all of my jackets, i can pull anything that I like out of them. Even guns and jetpacks.

Anyone can see out the back of their heads... Just turn around

you dont understand this game do you? and that power has already been used by me

And then you whip out a machete that's just long enough to reach your neck

My package gets bigger when I lie.

but due to your son making a birthday wish, YOU CANT LIE

i have a HUGE amount of luck, and am always finding cash, weed, and other useful stuff

but you also have a HUGE am,ount of debt, so all the cash and the weed you find goes in paying off your debtors


i can use my mindpower to run my stereo

but your stereo ran away...

i can ninja chop a building in half

But you can't touch a cop. You know where that goes.

I can change the color of something by touching it.
(Black from the waist down)

but you cant shotgun a full beer

i can breathe underwater

but you cant breath on land

I can freeze time and move around while everyone is frozen then start it again at will