www.weedguru.com

But midway thru an assignment, you get the munchies and you eat all your candy


i have elastic fingers

BUT I BURN RUBBER muahaa

I can make gravity fields to crush people

but nothing survives..so you die of starvation and thirst

i can bend over backwards and touch my heels

Purple Monkey wrote:but nothing survives..so you die of starvation and thirst

i can bend over backwards and touch my heels

But this causes u to lick your own arsehole leading to one cold day your tongue gettin stuck there!

I can talk to leprechauns on the carrot phone!

Unfortunately you were tripping too hard and the carrot phone is actually a butcher's knife. It's about this time you notice that your right cheek is sliced up and flapping all over the place, blood spilling, and so on and so forth.

I can convert tobacco to highly potent marijuana

But cigarette addicts everywhere hunt you down and lynch you.

I have eerie Jedi powers.

But the Jedi Council rejects you, therefore you fall into a deep deep depression which leads to suicide a few days later.

I can jump the distance (and height) of a football stadium

But whenever you do (jump the height and length of a football field), you always land nut-first on the edge of the post


i can scratch my balls with my eyelashes...

But this un atractive therefore you never get any lovin-
(Dude i'm so high)

i have never-ending amonuts of weed

But you can't get to them because I have taken command of this power and keep you in a small damp cage and shocking you with high voltage electricity through your genitals if you are not immediately available to perform this miracle at my whim 24/7. But it's all good because I allow you .5 grams a day.

I can, through mysterious and esoteric sadist ritual, capture any of your superpowers I wish! Mwuhahahahahaha!

but ur not sadist enough to complete any rituals with succes rendering you into a wittering shadow crying in the dark

I can make guitar picks slice 'n' dice people

but it backfires and the picks slic n dice you

i can grow weed anywhere

but you live on the moon and cant get back to earth so all the weed u grow u have to smokje alone with no contqact with anyone else!

I can do the cancan!!

Which makes you god.

I can make any car go 0-60 in 3 just by riding in it.

But u don't have a drivers' license

I wish I could heal my brother