www.weedguru.com

But they promptly arrest you for supernatural mischeif.

I can create the illusion of fire anywhere.

But people soon discover your delusional arsonist powers that have been causing chaos among your community, so they decide to shave your head so that you look like Ripley from the movie "Aliens" just to be mean.



I have the power to turn all birds into live heat seeking missles!

so they all fly up your arse every time you fart...


i can tame the wildest beast with ease

But tame animals hate you...

I'm an android.

but you get left out in the rain and your tits rust


i am the greatest marksman in the world

But then rosie o donnell takes away all of your weapons and stores them in her giant asscrack for safekeeping.




I can turn frisbees into pancakes

how is that a superpower? all you end up doing is flinging food all over your yard...



i can drink all the alcohol and smoke all the weed i want and not pass out

But that's because you're an insomniac.

I can walk on vertical surfaces.

but not on horizontal surfaces..so you have to live under a flag pole


i can pop my eyeballs out and bounce them in my palm and put them back in without feeling any pain

But in that moment you are incredibly vulnerable to attack by hot ninja chicks in vinyl.

I have a magic wand.

but you're also a stoner..so you forgot where you kept it


i can communicate with alien beings

But they they only speak in German while you're primarily fluent in Southern Indo-Chinese sign language.

I can pull joints out of my fingertips and light them in one fluent motion with a bic.

but youre stoned so you set yourself on fire and burn to death


i never get tired

And because of that your sleep deprived and never reach R.E.M. sleep, which causes you to hallucinate and spiral towards insanity, resulting in your permanent residence in Shady Acres Home for the Mentally Unstable. You have a small window way too far above you head to look out of and don't enjoy your padded walls as much as you thought you would. Plus the food is sub par.

I am the creator of worlds.

Derekson wrote:And because of that your sleep deprived and never reach R.E.M. sleep, which causes you to hallucinate and spiral towards insanity, resulting in your permanent residence in Shady Acres Home for the Mentally Unstable. You have a small window way too far above you head to look out of and don't enjoy your padded walls as much as you thought you would. Plus the food is sub par.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

yeah you work in factory that makes little round plastic atlases....


i have fire breath