Weedguru member dies in cliff jumping accident. RIP DAN K

[Sammy]

I don't like the thought of people ive lost always being here, always able to see me and what im doing, makes me uncomfortable

[Refyused]

I didn't know him and really don't know anyone here, but my regards go out to your family anyway. It sucks losing people you're close to.

[needsumdope]

Caro...i am so sorry to hear aboutr your brother but listen, don't try to place or take the blame, girl...god made your brother so he couild goto Heaven to stand beside him. I don't know why shit like this happens to people...noone does but I do know if you put all your pain, suffering and sadness in God's hands...he will carry most of the burden for you. I know you are probably thinking...whaty a bitch...giving you a bunch of "God talk' at a time like this...and I am not a real religous girl. But my best friend died about a month ago because of a brain tumor that we found out he had in June. They told him he was in remission a week before he died...i realize that your situation is a lot different you didn't know that your brother was going to die...Rodney knew he was...but that doesn't matter...it is still hard on those they leave behind. And just today...one of my really good friends' baby died. She was only about 6 weeks old and it has devestated her...She hates the world right now and I don't blame her...but she has three other little kids to raise...I feel so helpless to her pain...as I do yours. I know you probably loved your brother very much and you don't know how to feel or act...you probably want to blame him or God or the weed or your ex or ANYBODY but it was noones fault...just try to focus on the fact that YOU were lucky enough to have him as a little brother and that you were the one God chose to be eyes and his faith and his heart. What I mean is...just try to live your life for him, too. If you would please tell your parents (especially your mom) that I am very sorry. That my prayers are with you guys. My name is heathen...and sorry if this shit seems too deep or out of line...just trying to help a little.

[Caro]

Thank you for your kind words, it still means an awful lot to me when someone replies to this thread. I guess I'll never really be able to take it down, because I want people to know about what happened, and think about their own activities, lives and loved ones. Dan was the best brother anyone could have asked for. He was thoughtful, intelligent, athletic, fun, and handsome. When he came to visit me, I liked showing him off to my friends. He had nice cars that he saved and bought and built on himself. I loved riding in the baracuda with him at the wheel. So grown up. I'm so glad I got to see him become a man. He was a good man. He would have done anything for me. In one of his last convos, he told my mom he had a surprise for me when I graduated. I'll never know what it was. His untimely death certainly surprised me. More than the memories of that week, shadowed by poignant scenes with his young dead lifeless body, I remember his smile, his laughter. The way only he could say my name in the masculine version of my own voice. Just hangin out, whenever we were together. Being so protective of him and not letting him smoke very much before driving away from my place, even though he was a pro. He was a pro! Once we stole my mom's car and he was the driver. I was sooo nervous I was freaking out on him! But he finally made me relax, nothing bad is going to happen, Cari. I've got this under control, Cari. Pass me that pipe, I can smoke and drive at the same time. Oh Danny. Now you reside up the street in a grassy park. I sure wish we could hang out again. You meant so much to me, I would have suffered any death but yours a million times over if you could come back. I would have died before having you die little brother. You were better than me. Where I absorbed the negativity you took it and radiated goodness - you became a better person for it. I say that because you never yelled at me, never made me feel so bad the way our father has done to both of us. You were able to love him even though he made you live that way. You didn't leave when you could have because you didn't want to break his heart. And you never got to leave, Danny!.... I wish I had more than your crystal, your bob Marley hoodie. Your pillow. I wish you could just come to our new house in your town, just to hang out for awhile like we used to. I wish your accident had never happened, that I could take it back, that I could turn back time. I would have woken up and came to hang out with you in the living room that nighr if I'd known it would be the last time I'd ever see you. But I heard you laughing with your friends and didn't want to spoil it with your big sister in pajamas and face mask. "Bye Cari, I love you" you said from around the corner. I mumbled the same and went back to sleep... weeks later you were dead. And the next time I saw you was on that fucking hospital table in the funeral home. What was that music they were playing? Was that your favorite? Who were all those people - were they your friends? I wish so pointlessly that your life continued instead of having such a definite, unbreakable ending. I wonder what it was like - if it hurt when you hit the water. If you struggled? I dont think so, you were so strong. You must have just been knocked out. Why didnt breathing in water wake you up? And if it did, why did you still have to die like that> I hate that fucking river. Why so high, Danny. I watched you jump off a 20 foot bridge before. Is that what gave you the idea? Its so different when you're that high. We also jumped off a 100 ft high platform, together, in a harness. You were so scared Danny... dont lie. So why did you have to grow balls and do a dangerous stunt like that, on that day??? I wish you could come back, so bad it hurts when I let myself think this way. I miss you so much.

[Caro]

1st time for me was 12. my sister got really high so her and her friend decided to get me high. she gave me a couple of knife hits and didnt think it was working so she made me take 3 more. jesus i was stoned. they took me to the roof of the apartment building in downtown seattle. good times.

i went to church high once, and i'll never do it again. it totaly ruins the high to have some old guy preach at you for 2 hours about total bs. the only reason i did it was cause it was 420 and it was the only chance i had the whole day.

Take my advice, church is a bad place to get stoned at. The only advantage was i got to raid the kitchen which had gallons of orange soda and cookies.

i know exactly what ur talking about. i hate it when your coming down off a really big high but you cant go to sleep till later. it feels like you could just lay down in the street and fall straight to sleep.

thats a gravity bong. what works even better is a Sobe bottle. just get the bottle, take a screwdriver an a hammer and tap a small hole right on the corner of the bottom of the bottle. cut a hole in the cap and get some tin foil and make a bowl. make sure everything is airtight. put your bud in the bowl (make sure its broken up pretty well) and cover the hole in the bottom w/ your finger. take the cap/bowl off and fill the bottle up w/ water. light the bowl and let the water slowly drain out. this will give you the creamiest hit ever. when the bottle is filled w/ smoke just take the cap off and suck it up. this will rock your shit, guaranteed.

Dan's legacy lives on.....

Thank you Weedguru.

[Cheeba]

Caro, I only wish that I could understand the pain which you must be going through, but I do understand from my mother having lost her father, that this pain never goes away. It always lingers in the very back of your mind, right in a place where memories are stored which can not be forgotten (No matter how much you smoke)

I did not know Dan, I have not been coming here long enough to, but he seemed from the way that everyone was talking about him, an intelligent, nice man. But as I have said in a post in the same thread earlier

Dan has gone to a much better place

I have read all eleven pages of this thread, I didn't have a clue what to think or what to post, but here are my closing words.

Every day I wake up
I hope I’m dreamin
I can’t believe this shit
Can’t believe you ain’t here
Sometimes it’s just hard for a *censor* to wake up
It’s hard to just keep goin
It’s like I feel empty inside without you bein here
I would do anything man, to bring you back
I’d give all this shit, shit the whole knot
I saw your son today
He look just like you
You was the greatest
You’ll always be the greatest
I miss you big
Can’t wait til that day, when I see your face again
I can’t wait til that day, when I see your face again...

Yeah... this right here (tell me why)
Goes out, to everyone, that has lost someone
That they truly loved (c’mon, check it out)

Verse one: puff daddy

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain’t always what it seem to be (uh-uh)
Words can’t express what you mean to me
Even though you’re gone, we still a team
Through your family, I’ll fulfill your dream (that’s right)
In the future, can’t wait to see
If you open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh)
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it’s real, feelings hard to conceal
Can’t imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living your life, after death

Chorus: faith evans

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I’ll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you

[puff] I miss you big

Verse two: puff daddy

It’s kinda hard with you not around (yeah)
Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I’ll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts big I just can’t define (can’t define)
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Makin hits, stages they receive you on
I still can’t believe you’re gone (can’t believe you’re gone)
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living you’re life, after death

Chorus

[faith evans] somebody tell me why

Interlude: faith evans

On that morning
When this life is over
I know
I’ll see your face

Outro: 112

Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
Every night I pray, every step I take
[puff] every day that passes
Every move I make, every single day
[puff] is a day that I get closer
[puff] to seeing you again
Every night I pray, every step I take
[puff] we miss you big... and we won’t stop
Every move I make, every single day
[puff] cause we can’t stop... that’s right
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
[puff] we miss you

(Lyrics to Puff Daddy and Faith Evans - I'll Be Missing You)
(Download the song, it is good )
Sorry for such a long post.

- John

[Caro]

Thank you very much, man. That's precisely the reason I keep this thread stickied here. It means a lot to me that people can read about what happened and maybe reflect on their own lives. I really appreciate all the support I've gotten from the Weedguru community. Sometimes I read all 11 pages, too.

How many months has it been - soon it will be a year. Yet it still can hurt so deeply, it feels like June 17th 2004 again. It just blows me away that both of my brothers are dead - young men very close to me, who I expected to grow old together with. To lose someone that close to you leaves an incredible gaping hole in your life, and changes you. I liked they way you described it -

"This pain never goes away. It always lingers in the very back of your mind, right in a place where memories are stored which can not be forgotten (No matter how much you smoke.)"

And the song you quoted was chosen by Dan's friends to play at his funeral. Every time I hear it it is impossible not to cry - remembering my seat in the front row, the last time I saw his handsome young face. Remembering how wrong it seemed to have a church filled with anguished young people - how many people miss him, how many lives did he change?

Whenever someone reads and replies to this thread, I feel the utmost in gratitude. Thank you for caring.

[Cheeba]

Anything to help Caro

Stay strong!

[SmokyMcPot420]

wow so so so sorry to hear about this caro. just reading this thread.....idk what to say. the only similar feeling i can attatch is my grandfather that i was close to dieng about three years ago. oh the pain. i wish you the utmost luck to you and your family. will keep you all in my prayers. stay strong. RIP Dan!!! even though i didnt know you!

[Random Stoner]

just readin this thread and first thought was, "oh my fucking god that has to suck!" i dont know what i would do if one of my brothers died, or if anyone i know that was close to died. very sorry caro.

[MC NiZ-R]

Im really really sorry , i know this is late , but i had to say something.

I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you. May he rest in peace caro.

[Caro]

I just don't understand why. Why did he have to die? People jump off cliffs all the time. Why couldn't it have been a close call? Why couldn't his fucking friends get him out of there and give him CPR?

I have been having so many thoughts of my brother. More than every day, it's all day. I'm still grieving and it still hurts really, really fucking bad. It's like a lead weight in your chest when you think about him. It just isn't right... not danny. Anyfuckingbody but him. He was going to go to flight school and be a pilot. He was going to have his own place. He was going to get married and have kids! he had his whole life in front of him.

Oh, Danny. I can't get it out of my mind. My whole life, it seemed strange to me that I had never seen a dead body. I even remarked on that to you one day while we smoked a bowl by the river and talked about life. I never thought it would be yours. I hated seeing you dead. Oh I hated it. Thats so fucked up. And I've been thinking. What if, when you were deep underwater, you woke up. What if you woke up as you were dying? Oh my fucking god I can't bear the thought. What if, as you breathed in water, it made you wake? The more I think about it, how could it not? What if you struggled to get to the surface? What if you panicked? What if you felt it, for fucks sake???!!!! That is not okay!!! None of this is ok. At least you didnt know you were gonna die, at least it was quick. at least you were asleep. But what if you weren't????

Danny, it's not okay that you are gone. Its not okay that your body is rotting. Its not okay that we never get to hear from you again. Its not okay that you are dead.

guh sorry guys I just had to get some of this out.

[Dulleffects]

Thank you for your kind words, it still means an awful lot to me when someone replies to this thread. I guess I'll never really be able to take it down, because I want people to know about what happened, and think about their own activities, lives and loved ones. Dan was the best brother anyone could have asked for. He was thoughtful, intelligent, athletic, fun, and handsome. When he came to visit me, I liked showing him off to my friends. He had nice cars that he saved and bought and built on himself. I loved riding in the baracuda with him at the wheel. So grown up. I'm so glad I got to see him become a man. He was a good man. He would have done anything for me. In one of his last convos, he told my mom he had a surprise for me when I graduated. I'll never know what it was. His untimely death certainly surprised me. More than the memories of that week, shadowed by poignant scenes with his young dead lifeless body, I remember his smile, his laughter. The way only he could say my name in the masculine version of my own voice. Just hangin out, whenever we were together. Being so protective of him and not letting him smoke very much before driving away from my place, even though he was a pro. He was a pro! Once we stole my mom's car and he was the driver. I was sooo nervous I was freaking out on him! But he finally made me relax, nothing bad is going to happen, Cari. I've got this under control, Cari. Pass me that pipe, I can smoke and drive at the same time. Oh Danny. Now you reside up the street in a grassy park. I sure wish we could hang out again. You meant so much to me, I would have suffered any death but yours a million times over if you could come back. I would have died before having you die little brother. You were better than me. Where I absorbed the negativity you took it and radiated goodness - you became a better person for it. I say that because you never yelled at me, never made me feel so bad the way our father has done to both of us. You were able to love him even though he made you live that way. You didn't leave when you could have because you didn't want to break his heart. And you never got to leave, Danny!.... I wish I had more than your crystal, your bob Marley hoodie. Your pillow. I wish you could just come to our new house in your town, just to hang out for awhile like we used to. I wish your accident had never happened, that I could take it back, that I could turn back time. I would have woken up and came to hang out with you in the living room that nighr if I'd known it would be the last time I'd ever see you. But I heard you laughing with your friends and didn't want to spoil it with your big sister in pajamas and face mask. "Bye Cari, I love you" you said from around the corner. I mumbled the same and went back to sleep... weeks later you were dead. And the next time I saw you was on that fucking hospital table in the funeral home. What was that music they were playing? Was that your favorite? Who were all those people - were they your friends? I wish so pointlessly that your life continued instead of having such a definite, unbreakable ending. I wonder what it was like - if it hurt when you hit the water. If you struggled? I dont think so, you were so strong. You must have just been knocked out. Why didnt breathing in water wake you up? And if it did, why did you still have to die like that> I hate that fucking river. Why so high, Danny. I watched you jump off a 20 foot bridge before. Is that what gave you the idea? Its so different when you're that high. We also jumped off a 100 ft high platform, together, in a harness. You were so scared Danny... dont lie. So why did you have to grow balls and do a dangerous stunt like that, on that day??? I wish you could come back, so bad it hurts when I let myself think this way. I miss you so much.

Wow, man. I know this thread is old, but that made me start crying. I don't know what to say except that I know how you might feel. My IDOL passed on last year. I feel like anything i say isn't good enough or it's too late to say something, but caro, i'm so sorry.....It will all work out though, remember the good times and use those memories to get through the tough times. Because that's what's special about loved ones, even when they're gone they're still with you and the vibe will always live on.

[Caro]

Today is may 16th. Exactly one month from now, it will be a year. Every month on this day, Dan's friends celebrate DDK. It is a smoking holiday. They picked me up and I went with them to smoke blunts at his grave. It was nice to know he had so many friends, about 15 guys who do this every month in rememberance of him. Earlier in the day, I watched them play a violent game of soccer. My brother's friends were a bunch of shit talkers, that's for sure. Some of them are really hot, too. Listening to them cuss eachother out made me imagine what it was like when Dan was here, alive as them. I already knew he was highly respected, not like this guy who got his ass beat for not throwing down on DDK:

but tonight I learned that he was "the peacekeeper". I can just imagine my brother getting these testosterone laden young muscular guys to "chill and relax". They were fighting and bickering about weed the whole time, and it frequently came to blows, even though they are all good friends. Anyway, I am glad they included me, their ceremony at the grave was powerful and touching.

I'm feelin' your presence and reassurance in all the signs, dude.

[Midnight Toker]

I just realised i never posted in here. I just thought i'd say that it's not because i dont care, but everytime i've tried to write something i've drawn a blank. I have no idea how to respond to something as tragic as this, i've never experienced a loss or pain that even comes close to this, so i don't know how to respond. All i can say is i'm truly, truly sorry for your loss and your in my thoughts and prayers. I know you're a strong person and that you can pull through this, keep your head up. Much love - Midnight