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But your legs break off at the end
I can strike lightening on anyone with the snap of a finger

but you have arthritic hands

i can fly

But you always get attacked by birds.

I can become invisible.

But you keep getting hit trying to cross the street.
Im psychic.

But every time you use your psychic powers, you get migraines so bad that you pass out.

I can go back in time & change the past

But somehow you always manage to prevent your own birth.

I have telekinetic abilities.

but your mind snaps from using it instantly putting you into a coma

I can morph objects into anything I want

but they blow up after a few seconds

I can walk thru anything

But since you're ethereal you can't hold things, so you die of famine and dehydration.

I have superhuman strength and agility.

but unfortunately not the intelligence to use it.

i can skin up under water.

Unfortunately your joints go to waste because they're too damn wet.

I can dissipate into a cloud of fog whenever I want.

yeah, sadly the particles which make the fog all seperate when the sun comes out, leaving you to evaporate..

i can do handstands, then walk on my hands up and downstairs, followed by some hand-jumps over small craters of 1 metre in diameter.

But it makes you look like an ass so you never get laid.

I can shoot laserbeams from my eyes.

unfortunatly you can only do it when ur crossing 'em , so u always burn your nose

I can manipulate your keyboards so you're all typing typo's

but i have spell check

animals do as i say and worship me as though I was some kind of god.