Mental Health Hospital answering machine

[Tlicious]

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your Mother's maiden name.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

[Mind Terrorist]

you belong in a mental hospital by the look of this topic baby!

[Tlicious]

Did you even read any of it?

[Mind Terrorist]

yeah, it's very funny. did you find that or make it up? well done, i like that.

[BGDetroit]

Hahahah, Thas fucking good. I want to do it as my answering machine.

My buddy calls up all the time, We dont have caller id, And we dont pay much bills, So we dont answer the phone. So my boy leaves a message and its all "What up *****, This is *******, Hey man, Hit me up when you get this man. Aight peace out homie". Everysingle time he leaves it. So he called up one time, I told him call me back in 5 minutes bro, I hurryed up and changed the answering machine and left it as his message he always leaves. He calls back up(hes a kinda gumpy stoner type lol.) and he hears the message. Hes leavin a message all jus confused, Hes like hey uhh, what the fuck uhh, And hung up. I call him back and told him whats up. It was so fuckin funnny tho.

[Funk Doctor]

Old, but still hilarious. Thanks for reminding me of this shit

[Tlicious]

One of my friends friends has a whole bunch of rap beats blended together on his answering machine, it's kinda kewl.